Not OK with being OK

Is it really possible that there is something in my brain that, when things start getting OK, a little switch gets flipped that says “Hey Hey, Whoa There, just who the hell do you think you are????”

I’ve been down this road before. I start doing well, start gathering together the things that I’ve lost because of my past behavoir, and then stop doing those things that got me this far, and therefore stop making progress and end up throwing away everything that I’ve created.

I decide that I don’t need AA meetings anymore because I’m beyond that, and they don’t know what they are doing anyway.

The religion that has helped me the most - Religious Science - becomes a cult, full of selfish, self-centered nut jobs. (actually, I should fit in with that pretty well…)

I stop taking care of myself physically because, well, I’m just too damn intelligent, and I’ve got way too much work to do to bother myself with such trivialities.

I start isolating myself from friends because, well, they just don’t understand me anyway.

I start treating my family like shit because they are just holding me back, and they don’t understand me either.

I start using internet porn as my only source of pleasure.

The next step would be to stop going to work because I’m too good for that damn job anyway/I really suck at the job and it’s too hard (both of those thoughts at the same time).

Last night, I was googling “How to Commit Suicide”, after fighting with my wife because she had the nerve to call me on my unhealthy behavoir.

This needs to stop… now.

So what will I do differently today?

I will go to an AA meeting, even though I don’t want to.

I will clean up our room.

I will take a shower.

I will eat healthy meals.

I will be of service to the world by taking care of myself.

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