Living in the Long Term
Something that I’ve noticed about myself is the tendency to engage in unhealthy behaviors whenever stress hits.
Whoa… news flash! I’m a human being!
Here’s an example: I’ve decided that I want to write a post about this particular topic. I think about it a little, get a couple of lines out, and I read what I’ve just committed to paper (screen).
My brain says “Wow, that sucked. You can’t express yourself very well. And who would want to read this stuff anyway??? And what are you going to write next? It’s gotta be great, it’s gotta be profound, it’s gotta be perfect. It’s gotta be that one thing that all of the people on the internet want to link to, that gets you blogrolled like never before. That’s not going to happen… how do I make that happen? I can’t make that happen.”
Which kicks in something that isn’t a clear thought like the above, but more of a feeling. Like a command. Or an instinct.
Instinct. That’s what it feels like.
The first one is to go outside and have a cigarette. Hey, it’s only going to take five minutes, and it’ll give you some time to clear your thoughts and finally write something profound, something deep, something that people will really care about.
So I either do that or I don’t. But I’m already focused on that instinct.
Since I’m working online, the next thought is “Why not take a little break and just surf for a little while. Maybe there are some new pictures of some hot women that you can take a look at. Not for long, just for a little while. You deserve it. Just for a few minutes. And who the hell is anyone to tell you what you can and can’t look at, anyway???”
So I go off for “just a little while” and look at some of those pictures and watch some of those 30-second video clips that no one has the right to tell me not to look at. Hey, maybe there’s some new stuff out there! Yeah, OK, maybe there’s some new porn on the internet…
So it’s an hour later. I’m beating on myself because not only haven’t I gotten done what I wanted to get done, but I’ve engaged in those behaviors (Simpleology calls them weakening behaviors, AA calls them character defects) that I didn’t want to engage in, but did anyway.
[it's not really an hour later... this is what i've done in the past, not what i'm doing now]
I did it to run away from myself, to run away mentally and emotionally from the discomfort of the stress. Simply because they were easier. They made me feel good in the short term, but in the long term made me feel bad.
But when I engage in the stuff that’s a little difficult in the short term (Simpleology: Strengthening Behaviors; AA: God’s Will), I feel good in the long term. The intensity of feeling good isn’t as strong, but the internal pleasure I derive, and the compounding effect of my action, produces more pleasure than a quick smoke or a quick… well, you know… produces in the short term.
I’ve lived my life in the short term. It hasn’t served me.
Today I am absolutely committed to living my life with a longer view. I will not deny myself all pleasures in the hope of a future reward, but if that pleasure has no possibility of future value, then it isn’t worth engaging in. If it doesn’t build my relationships with others, if it doesn’t add to my financial net worth, if it doesn’t enhance my physical or mental health, if it doesn’t increase my wisdom and understanding of life… no, thanks.
Have a prosperous day!
This post has 5 comments
May 5th, 2006
Dear Lyman,
First things first, I reached your website via Mark Joyners blog, I was trying to get hold of the XL worksheets you mentioned,and I found the blog above, I read the blog and it really resonates with how my mind works too. Thanks for the Honesty.
I work at sea, so dont get to do the daily praxes as I cant carry that much paper about with me, Would you be so kind as to email me a copy,of the XL worksheet?
Thanks, I would rally appreciate it.
Secondly,
I am 43, and have at times in my life been much more ‘enlightened’ than I am now.
There seems to be an inbuilt -ve thought program installed, that boots in when I am down.
Like you, I seem to reach for ‘unhealthy behaviours’ when stress hits, and this just compounds the problem.
I guess that during my youth, having a swift one off the wrist, made me feel better, short term, and its a hard habit to break.
How my mind works is, something is said, or I make a booboo, and my mind comes up with all the previous errors I made, and it all spirals downwards from there.
to make myself feel better, I would endulge in one or other unhealthy behaviours, for the short term gain, suffering in turn the long term pain.
What I want to do from now, is look for the hard right, as mark joyner puts it, so your work on the XL spreadsheets, will enable me, to have one less excuse.
I look forward to hearing from you, and will look deeper into your website for +ve things that I can incorporate into my life.
prior to writing the above I followed a couple of blogs, one about as a man thinketh, and I agree, it should be taught in schools, we need all the positive input we can get.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Kind Regards,
Bod.
ps. this is the first blog I have responded to, and doing so has opened another door for self expression.
May 5th, 2006
Hi Bod,
Thanks for your comments. I’m honored to be the first blog you’ve commented in. There’s a great community out there to become a part of, and some really good people.
That comment about the inbuilt destructive programming, the downward spiral after a single mistake… I hear you on that one.
One of the things that I’ve learned is that a lot of that stuff comes from me just not liking me. I don’t believe that I have to love myself, but I do at least have to accept myself, and accept that I am the most important person in my world, simply because I’m the one I’ve got the most control over.
Keep on with the self-expression! It really does do wonders for the mind.
Let me know how the spreadsheet is working out for you.
May 5th, 2006
I’m not quite sure if it’s the same thing but I sort of call similar, aversions to work, as “procrastination.”
It’s something, that until recently, was completely out of control for me. However, slowly but surely I’m turning that around to the point where it isn’t really that much of an issue.
Like with anything that is a habit, it takes effort to break but with conscious effort it does happen. One of my bad habits was literally, doing, anything but, that which I had to do. But this: “have to” attitude can also cause a barrier. Instead I used the “choose to” terminoloy to try and convert the way my mind and body approached the task at hand. It’s not fool proof but it can work so just a suggestion if you need it but it sounds like you’re doing a great job of changing that past behaviour.
May the power of choice be with you both!
May 5th, 2006
P.S. I like the new theme Lyman, much easier on the eye!
May 5th, 2006
Thanks for the compliment on the new look, Amit! When I found this theme I just had to use it.
And you are right about the habits. And they are biological in nature, which is one of the reasons we can’t beat ourselves up over them. There are these ropes of brain cells that have connected themselves together; when we choose new thoughts, behaviors, and emotions, new ropes are formed. We’ve just got to keep at it long enough, or effectively enough, to make the new connections the automatic ones.
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