One thing that I’m learning is that I have to allow myself to not be perfect.

The past couple of days, I’ve been getting more and more worn down. I can see the pattern in myself: I work like crazy for a few days, then have to crash out and go down for a day, then back up and working like a madman again.

The critical part of me tells me this is wrong Wrong WRONG! I have to be up up up and going going going all of the time every minute.

Part of this belief comes from fear. Since I suffer(ed) from clinical depression for so long, it used to be that a down day could be the start of something really horrible: it often meant it was time to start another one of these: get extremely depressed, stop going to work, start drinking again, lose the job (eventually), attempt suicide… yeah, life wasn’t pretty…

But I need to remember that that is in my past. If I need to take a day to rest, then I need to take a day to rest.

I’m always able to get back up if I’m willing to do the things that will get me back up.

For example:

Tonight, I got home from the day job at about 3:30 and just felt horrible. Tired, sore, and not wanting to do anything… screw the blog, screw the housework that needed to be done, screw it all.

I took a little nap, and woke up feeling about the same as I had. But I kept saying to myself, “Hey, you should write and entry for the blog, you’ve got a few drafts you can clean up and post…” but nothing. “Hey, how about adding some quotes or articles to the other sites?” Nothing. “Hey, you’ve been meaning to check out X, how about that one?” Still nothing. I would rather just surf the internet aimlessly and read about other people’s lives, or flip channels on the TV and watch other people doing the things that I want to, but couldn’t seem to get the energy up to do.

Something kept knocking at the back of my brain… “Hey, what about that EFT thing you’ve been studying? They say to try it on anything… how about trying it on not wanting to do anything, apathy, depression?”

It would knock, I would say “Yeah, that’s a great idea…”

And I’d flip another channel, click another link…

And it would knock again…

“Yeah, that might help…”

Click another link, check another stat…

“Hey, Lyman, how about that EFT thing…”

OK. Tap Tap Tap.

And then I wrote this post.

Interesting…

And now, I feel good.

It’s amazing how simple it is. I wonder when I’m going to get it through my skull:

Do the things that make you feel good, and you’ll feel good.

Stop doing the things that make you feel bad, and you won’t feel bad.

And it’s not like I finally jumped up and say “OK! Terrific! Time to feel good!” It was more like “Man… I don’t want to do this… but I’m willing to do it anyway.”

Life is good.

And thanks for reading.

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