I know, I know… if I want to be a “professional blogger” I’m not supposed to get too personal.

And if my “niche” is personal development, you want to hear about how you can create a better life. I don’t matter, it’s about you.

Here’s the problem with that: all I really know about creating a better life comes from what I’ve experienced myself.

And sometimes it ain’t too pretty.

I think it’s important to remember this.

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Maybe there are people out there who this stuff comes naturally to.

If there are, I’m not one of them. Positive thinking, staying in the stream, doing the things that I need to do to stay healthy (both mentally and physically) are real work for me.

Because for the longest time, I didn’t make them priorities, and ended up developing habits of failure, rather than habits of success.

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Last night, I dived head first into one of those old habits: that spot in my head that I used to live in that says “What the HELL do you think your doing? Dumbass… you suck at this, you will always suck at this. Be a man, focus on your job, get promoted, buy a new home… all this dreaming is a load of bullshit, and you know it. Get your dreams in line with those of the masses and straighten up! No matter how much action you take, if you suck, you just suck, period.”

The problem wasn’t that the thoughts showed up… the problem was that I bought into them.

So what did I do?

I went to bed.

It’s good that I went to bed. A lot of times, lack of sleep can bring these demons on. When our conscious defenses are down, those beliefs that are still in there have a way of working their way to the surface.

It was not so good that I went to sleep without reaching for better thoughts to replace those that were there. I’ll give you one guess: what do you think were waiting for me when I woke up this morning?

I took the dog out for a walk, I took my medication, and I read my statement of definite purpose.

And I went to sleep again… this time, though, I’d gotten outside for a bit and done a couple of things to get my mind straight. And as I drifted off, I asked myself: “What would I rather be thinking? What are the better feeling thoughts?”

Two hours later, I woke up again.

“Hmmmm… I’m feeling a little better.”

I fired up the browser and read my definite major purpose again. I let some thoughts swirl around in my head about it – I wasn’t feeling fantastic about it, but I wasn’t depressed. I didn’t want to quit anymore, but the questions about this being the right path for me were still there, nagging at the edges of my brain.

I checked my email – there were a couple of really great comments on my blogs: one from Kirsten Harrell and one from Evan Carmichael. Hmmm… those felt good too!

I didn’t want to throw in the towel anymore.

Finally, there was a quote in my email from the Simpleology33 mailing list:

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”

(I can’t tell you who said it, yet… Mark has the list set up so that he doesn’t reveal the source of the quotes until the end of the week.)

Do not stop… it doesn’t matter how long it takes…

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And now… I’m back! :)

I wrote this to let you know that, no matter where you are, and how many times you “go there” in your own head, you can always pull back… if you want to.

I didn’t know this before, so the episodes that I just went through would last weeks (and would sometimes land me in the hospital), rather than a few hours (about 12 this time.)

And it took me three years to get to the point of being able to bounce back like this.

Wow… that means that if I keep it up, three years from now I’m going to be unstoppable!

Which means that you can be to.

Now go and make it fantastic day… even if that means taking a nap first. :)

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This article was included in the July 22, 2007 edition of the Carnival of Positive Thinking.

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