-
I’m Not Supposed to Tell You This
(20)Posted on July 16th, 2007Lyman ReedUncategorized
I know, I know… if I want to be a “professional blogger” I’m not supposed to get too personal.
And if my “niche” is personal development, you want to hear about how you can create a better life. I don’t matter, it’s about you.
Here’s the problem with that: all I really know about creating a better life comes from what I’ve experienced myself.
And sometimes it ain’t too pretty.
I think it’s important to remember this.
—
Maybe there are people out there who this stuff comes naturally to.
If there are, I’m not one of them. Positive thinking, staying in the stream, doing the things that I need to do to stay healthy (both mentally and physically) are real work for me.
Because for the longest time, I didn’t make them priorities, and ended up developing habits of failure, rather than habits of success.
—
Last night, I dived head first into one of those old habits: that spot in my head that I used to live in that says “What the HELL do you think your doing? Dumbass… you suck at this, you will always suck at this. Be a man, focus on your job, get promoted, buy a new home… all this dreaming is a load of bullshit, and you know it. Get your dreams in line with those of the masses and straighten up! No matter how much action you take, if you suck, you just suck, period.”
The problem wasn’t that the thoughts showed up… the problem was that I bought into them.
So what did I do?
I went to bed.
It’s good that I went to bed. A lot of times, lack of sleep can bring these demons on. When our conscious defenses are down, those beliefs that are still in there have a way of working their way to the surface.
It was not so good that I went to sleep without reaching for better thoughts to replace those that were there. I’ll give you one guess: what do you think were waiting for me when I woke up this morning?
I took the dog out for a walk, I took my medication, and I read my statement of definite purpose.
And I went to sleep again… this time, though, I’d gotten outside for a bit and done a couple of things to get my mind straight. And as I drifted off, I asked myself: “What would I rather be thinking? What are the better feeling thoughts?”
Two hours later, I woke up again.
“Hmmmm… I’m feeling a little better.”
I fired up the browser and read my definite major purpose again. I let some thoughts swirl around in my head about it - I wasn’t feeling fantastic about it, but I wasn’t depressed. I didn’t want to quit anymore, but the questions about this being the right path for me were still there, nagging at the edges of my brain.
I checked my email - there were a couple of really great comments on my blogs: one from Kirsten Harrell and one from Evan Carmichael. Hmmm… those felt good too!
I didn’t want to throw in the towel anymore.
Finally, there was a quote in my email from the Simpleology33 mailing list:
“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”
(I can’t tell you who said it, yet… Mark has the list set up so that he doesn’t reveal the source of the quotes until the end of the week.)
Do not stop… it doesn’t matter how long it takes…
—
And now… I’m back!
I wrote this to let you know that, no matter where you are, and how many times you “go there” in your own head, you can always pull back… if you want to.
I didn’t know this before, so the episodes that I just went through would last weeks (and would sometimes land me in the hospital), rather than a few hours (about 12 this time.)
And it took me three years to get to the point of being able to bounce back like this.
Wow… that means that if I keep it up, three years from now I’m going to be unstoppable!
Which means that you can be to.
Now go and make it fantastic day… even if that means taking a nap first.
—
This article was included in the July 22, 2007 edition of the Carnival of Positive Thinking.
—
33
Similar Posts:
- How To Quit Quitting
- Make Money Fast
- Struggling with the Tithe Idea
- Not OK with being OK
- Getting Back to Normal
20 Responses to “I’m Not Supposed to Tell You This”
-
Lyman,
A truly inspirational story, and one I am so happy that you shared with everyone!
It IS very easy to fall back into our old thinking patterns, but your story demonstrated two very definite things:
1) That falling back into those thought patterns does NOT have to be permanent!
2) That we can all consciously bring ourselves back from the edge by simply making the decision to do so.Awesome stuff, Lyman - big props to you!
-
I always said that when you got it together you’d be unstoppable; I’m glad we finally agree. I agree with Aaron–an inspirational story, one I am delighted to hear. Congratulations on hanging in there and working through it!!
-
Your story is inspiring, Lyman. We may want to hear about how we can create a better life, but an example shows we can create a better life.
-
Thanks for your inspiring story. You’re so right abut sometimes needing a little sleep when these thoughts come on!
-
Aaron: Thanks, bud… your thoughts on this stuff mean a lot to me.
Mom: OK, OK, so maybe mothers ARE always right!
Rick: Ditto on what I said to Aaron… your blog and your thoughts have been a tremendous help as I walk this road.
Guilty Secret: Hey there, welcome! Thank you for your comment. When it comes to those of us who suffer from depression, it can be a fine line - do I really need the rest, or am I just hiding? But since sleep is such an essential component to our health, I’ll usually go with it initially, and not worry about it unless it becomes excessive. Once again, thank you for joining us.
-
And now for something completely different… - from Creating a Better Life July 17th, 2007 at 9:28 am
[...] yesterday’s article, I feel the need to inject a little humor into the [...]
-
[...] Here’s what happened to days 3 and 4. [...]
-
Hi Lyman, that was a great story. No one’s perfect, it’s all about the progression. Being able to recognize yourself in a pattern is a huge step. Doing something to change it changes your world. That’s what you did yesterday. Congratulations!
-
Lyman,
Your courage to share the details of your journey is inspiring. I can tell you from my own experience and from workig with many people on this journey… it isn’t always easy or pretty - but it is worth it.Keep on keeping on, my friend! It sounds like you have come a long way and have put in a lot of hard work. Having the tools and skills to create a better life doesn’t mean that we won’t fall back on hold habits once in a while or go through difficult periods. As you so beautifully described these skills will help shorten the duration and intensity of the difficult times.
Thanks for sharing!
-
Hey Lyman,
I came over to see today’s post — Monty Python is an all-time fav — then had to find out what you weren’t supposed to tell.
It’s good that you did tell. As you said, “no matter where you are, and how many times you “go there†in your own head, you can always pull back… if you want to”. That’s a very important message for anyone in the grips of depression.
You’re a very strong man, Lyman Reed. And you don’t suck at that.
-
Nneka: Thank you… doing something to change it does change the world.
Kirsten: I think a big breakthrough for me came when I realized that it’s OK that it’s messy. For a long time, I thought I was doing something wrong because I wasn’t having this single A-HA!/white light/instant change experience. It really helps to remember that 99.99999999999% of change takes time. Thank you so much for your comment.Carolyn: I knew you had to be a Python fan.
A problem with depression is that one of it’s main symptoms is not caring enough to even want to pull out of it… it becomes a really nasty cycle. I’m grateful for the people I’ve met (like you) who’ve helped me want to again. -
The ability to use your own personal experiences to drive home a wonderful message is an excellent display of true blogging. I got your message loud and clear! Fantastic post, Lyman!
-
Thanks, Ellesse!
-
Lyman,
Here’s the thing about personal growth: by definition, it IS all about YOU. (Sorry about the shouting).
It’s through personal struggle, the emerging learning, and hopefully, wisdom, that we are able to speak authoritatively and confidently about life.
Keep on writing about you…
-
Hey Lyman,
It’s a process for all of us! But you can’t get it wrong because you never get it done! Keep reaching for the better thought and it gets easier but every once in awhile we all have a meltdown!! Remember you’re not the only one.
(we all have times when we want to quit!)
Thanks for sharing! I’m glad you’re feeling better!!
Sending you Love and Light today and everyday! (You are one of my best cyberfriends!!) -
Steve: That’s OK, SOMETIMES IT FEELS GOOD TO SHOUT!
Your points are well taken - without the struggle, how would I know that what I’m writing about is the truth? Thanks for your thoughts! Karen: Thank you - It sure is a process… and even when the meltdowns come (like this one did), it’s good to know we can bounce back, maybe a little bit quicker than the last time (like this time!). And right back at you - I really value your friendship.
-
Your words can only be enhanced by allowing people to see you’re human,none of us however smart are perfect. Sometimes when you read self worth articles, the coaches sound just too damned chipper, a world apart from where we are and so we give up. I’d be more inclined to listen to someone who has to steadily work at it just like me - so keep going strong!
Your post reminded me of why dieting usually fails - we give into temptation and then for that one slip grant ourselves permission to quit when it wasn’t a failure, it was merely a tiny blip.
Have a great day ’shining’
-
My wife and I were just discussing that, WalksFarWoman… it can often be a question of accessibility - the “damned chipper” ones can sometimes be seen as being on some kind of pedestal, and no matter how much they say “You can do it too!”, those who need it most will usually have a “Yeah, right, sure” attitude about it.
Thanks for stopping by :).
-
[...] Reed presents I’m Not Supposed to Tell You This posted at Creating a Better [...]
-
[...] Life isn’t hunky-dory all the time. Some days are just bad. Some days can tempt us into attitudes we hoped we had outgrown. But we don’t have to. Listen to Lyman Reed at Creating a Better Life in I’m Not Supposed to Tell You This. [...]
Recent Comments