Creating a Better Life

Yesterday I wrote an article about a call I was going to participate in that was being hosted by Jack Canfield. This article details what I learned from that call. Not everything that was discussed on the call is included here, and I’ve rearranged some of the ideas to allow them to flow better. I’ve also done my best to distinguish between Jack’s ideas and my own take on them.

Personal Responsibility

I had a little trouble connecting to the call, but I was persistent and ended up getting on about 5 minutes after it started. When I finally got connected, Jack was talking about the following formula:

E + R = O

Huh? I tried to catch up with that one, but he must have already explained it to the audience by the time I got on the call. So I did some looking around this morning and found an explanation of it on this page (I had to reload it a couple of times to get the video to work), which has a video that explains:

Event + Response = Outcome

While we may not be able to control the Event (E), we can always control our response to it, which will influence the outcome we get.

Most people blame the event when they don’t get a desired outcome. The key is to change what we can (our response to the event) in order to create a desired outcome.

Feedback and Criticism

Information is only stuff coming in. We can do whatever we want with it.

He used an analogy that I’ve always loved - the green hair analogy

If you’re a blond, a brunette, or a redhead, and a person says to you “I really hate that green hair of yours!”, all you would do is think that they were a little strange. It wouldn’t even occur to you to say “Oh My God, I bet my green hair IS something people hate! I better take care of that!”

If you have an emotional reaction to criticism from someone, it probably means that they are reflecting back to you something you already believe, even if it’s on a deep subconscious level. Getting angry about criticism is like getting angry at the sky being blue… it just is what it is. You get to decide what you want to do with it.

This can also be helpful when giving criticism. If the person has a strong emotional reaction to what you are saying, you’ve probably hit home. And if they attack you because of your criticism, just remember that it’s about their reception of it, not the criticism itself.

And by the way, I’ve found that it isn’t a good idea to go around handing out unsolicited criticism. That can really amp up any emotional response you may get!

He also said later in the call that business people should be asking for feedback. Ask your customers for a rating from 1 to 10. If it’s not a 10, ask what you can do to make it a 10. This can also be applied in relationships - just be ready and willing to hear the truth if you ask!

You can also ask yourself, “If I were my client (spouse, lover, friend, whatever…), what would I want from me? What could I be doing better?”

When Should I Quit?

It’s pretty cool that Aldian asked this very question yesterday in the comments of the previous post!

One of the suggestions he made was that we pay attention to our body. Ask the question of yourself: if you get a contracted, tight, tense feeling, maybe it is time to quit. If you get a relaxed, expansive feeling, keep going. This reminded me of muscle testing, a la Power Vs. Force (aff), but extremely simplfied.

He talked about the 144 rejections he and Mark Victor Hansen got when they were trying to get Chicken Soup for the Soul published. He described it as a magnificent obsession to get that book out there… they would have self-published if it became necessary.

It seems to me that the answer is related back to personal responsibility - regardless of the events around us, even if it seems that we are getting nowhere, even when the world seems to be actively opposing you reaching your dreams, it’s only your own thoughts and emotions that can determine if you will continue or quit. There’s nothing wrong with quitting, as long as that’s what you want to do.

I’m So Overwhelmed!

Jack also talked about getting overwhelmed when it comes to personal development. There is just so much out there; so many areas that we can improve; so many principles that can be integrated. He talked about his book The Success Principles, and how it’s best to use it. This could be applied to just about any book out there:

1) Read the book from cover to cover to get the gestalt of it.
2) Take 30 days to integrate just one principle from the book. After the 30 days is up, move on to the next.

This keeps us from becoming overloaded when it comes to trying to change too much, too soon.

Fear

Whenever we are afraid, we are visualizing something that we don’t want.

He brought up the fact that it’s actually best to purposely bring up our fears (or any negative emotion) in order to eliminate them. Until they are dealt with, they won’t go away. He compared this to the arcade game “Whack a Mole”, where the objective is to smack moles with a hammer as they pop their heads up out of their holes.

Jack recommends The Sedona Method for releasing negative emotions. I can’t comment on that, since I’ve never used it and know very little about it. I’ve had some success with EFT (aff) (I just recently got the DVD’s, thanks to the kindness of The Sprout Lady, Deborah!). Whatever method you use, the point is to stop burying your feelings… we can’t whack them down if they are hiding just below the surface.

Habits

This was the most powerful part of the call for me, personally. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since listening to it (that was at about 10:30 am on Aug. 1, 2007)

He suggested that we stop trying to break habits, and that instead we look for ways to get the desired outcome from the habits in healthier ways. He did use smoking as an example: it’s primarily an anxiety and stress reducer: the smoke coming into the lungs is an irritant, which distracts us from unwanted emotions. The deep breathing relaxes us. And the oral gratification comforts us.

We are looking for distraction, emotional relief, relaxation, and comfort.

I’ll add on the physical drug addiction (he didn’t mention that factor).

For distraction and release of negative emotions, EFT tapping is ideal.
For deep breathing, I can… well, breath deeply!
For oral gratification, sugar free gum and health foods are ideal.
For the nicotine addiction, I’ve chosen to use nicotine replacement therapy.

I’m getting into detail on it here (as I have in the past) because of another thing he talked about regarding habits:

It’s always easier to build a new habit with accountability.

And finally, he also talked about how beliefs are simply habits of thought. As we change the thoughts that we repeat to ourselves each day, we change our beliefs.

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There was a lot more that he mentioned on the call, but those were the main points that stuck me. Jack does this on the first Wednesday of every month. You can submit your questions via Ask Jack Canfield, and purchase recordings of past calls on the Ask Jack Canfield Archives.

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addiction, EFT, jack canfield, responsibility, smoking