Seven Steps to Stopping Personal Development Overwhelm
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How many different types of personal development programs are you “working on?”
If you were to ask me that at various times in my life, I could have told you that I was working my way through the 12 Steps, completing a Simpleology course, trying to keep up with all of the material available through the Wealth Beyond Reason program, doing the exercises in Ask and It Is Given, going through Rebecca Fine’s Science of Getting Rich for Practical Geniuses Course, trying to integrate the principles from Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude, working through the Master Key System, slowly increasing the time spent in meditation, as well as having at least 3 or 4 paper books and ebooks going.
And never mind the personal development blogs, podcasts, and videos that needed to get squeezed in there.
My Brain’s Locking Up!
If you run a Windows based computer, what happens when you have too many windows open with programs running?
Your computer will start running really really (really) slowly. It takes longer and longer (and longer) to accomplish the simplest task.
And if you REALLY have too many going, the computer will finally say “Well, that’s IT!”, and it’ll freeze up on you.
Your brain works the same way. Every time you pick up a book, start a course, download a podcast… you’ve got a new window open in your brain.
A little bit more of your mental resources are being used. Whether you consciously recognize it or not, you’ve got another of what David Allen of GTD fame refers to as “open loops” - stuff that’s taking your attention.
If you aren’t making progress, could it be because you’ve simply got too much going on between your ears?
And if so, how do you deal with it?
Here’s what I’ve done when I realize that I’m doing a lot but getting nowhere when it comes to personal development:
First - do an inventory of all of the courses, books, lectures, etc that you currently haven’t completed.
You’ve got to know what you are dealing with. It’s not necessary for it to be perfect, but you should have a good idea. When things that you forgot about pop up in the future, they are automatically going to go into a “maybe later” file anyway, but we want to have as much choice as possible at the moment.
Second - select a program/discipline/book/seminar that you think will be the most beneficial to you.
What would have the most impact on your life, and bring you closer to reaching your goals? Is there an addiction you need to get rid of? A specific skill you need to learn? Do you want to deepen your relationship with your god? It’s really important to select something for you, not for your parents, your spouse, your children, your boss, or anyone else. Since we don’t live in a vacuum, of course people close to you will be considered… but this is about your life.
Third - take all of those other programs and put them to the side.
Consciously say to yourself “There is value in these [you wouldn’t have signed on for them in the first place if you didn’t think so], but I’m working on something else right now. They aren’t going anywhere, and I can pick them up again later.”
Fourth - focus exclusively on completing your selected program, developing that skill, or integrating the habit that you’ve chosen.
I did this with AA. For a long time, it was all about the 12-Steps and going to meetings. I didn’t go out of my way to avoid other truths, but my focus was on staying sober, and only on staying sober. My mantra was “If I didn’t drink, it was a good day.” And there were some really bad days in there. While “it’s a good day if I don’t drink” isn’t true 3 years into sobriety, it sure is when you’re in your first 30 days.
Fifth - when you are tempted to pick another ebook, program, seminar, whatever, remind yourself of your decision.
Work the current program you are working! And do not walk away from it until it’s finished, or until it’s integrated into your life in such a way that you feel that you are ready to move one (see the next step for the only exception). If you’ve done what you planned on doing for the day, go ahead and do whatever you feel like - but don’t start another 16 week course, no matter how much the marketing tells you that it’s going to change your life! That may well be true, but it will still be there when you finish the one you are on.
Sixth - while I’m not a proponent of giving up, sometimes it is smarter to stop beating our heads against a wall and move a little to the left where there’s a door.
But be careful with this one… just because you didn’t get the results you wanted in a week doesn’t mean that what you are trying to do isn’t working. Really consider your decision by meditating on it or bouncing it off of someone else - you may just need more time with it.
Seventh - when you have gotten what you can from your current program, only then is it time to move on to another.
Close the window on it. Take what you’ve learned and keep it integrated into your day (such as with Simpleology’s Daily Target Praxis). Then start your next course, book, or whatever it is that’s going to bring you closer to your goals in life. You’ll be able to focus on it with much more ease and enthusiasm than if you’d just dropped that previous one.
Personal development can be both fun and frustrating at the same time. By keeping your focus on a single area, you will experience such tremendous growth there it will spill over into other areas of your life… and you may find that you are no longer as interested in that latest book or ecourse that you just had to buy.
[full disclosure: the above article contains affiliate links]
What are you really after? Why can’t you trust yourself a bit more? What is your mission in life? You seem to be working from an attitude of inadequacy. Why not work on that first? Those are honest questions. I would love to hear the answers.
Jean Browman
Cheerful Monk
Transforming Stress Into Personal Power
Lyman,
Bravo! This is a great tool for the people who are suffering from “Personal Development Syndrome” after trying out each of the 500 Personal Development blogs on the master list.
The other notion I’ve been kicking around in my head is that of a congruent set of complimentary tools that would constitute a “necessary and sufficient” set of capabilities to develop. For example, it seems complimentary to use EFT to remove resistance/problems while using the Science of Getting Rick to move forward in your life. I’m still noodling on this, but I think at some point you’ve got all the tools you need, and don’t need to even worry about the other ones. What you’ve already got - diligently practiced - will get you there.
What do you think?
Mike
Jean - those are some great questions! Of course, I think it would be impossible to answer them all in a single comment!
“Why don’t you work on that first” is exactly what I was referring too. A person has to decide for himself or herself just what that thing is that they need to work on first… whether it’s inadequacy, self-esteem, becoming a better public speaker, or shooting pool more skillfully.
But way to pull my covers! The constant jumping from program to program can really be a symptom of not feeling like we are enough, and that something outside of us can make us better.
While those feelings of inadequacy will still pop up, I do now know that I’m complete as I am, warts and all. But complete doesn’t mean done by a long shot.
Thanks for the insightful comment!
Mike - I totally agree… and your combination of EFT and principles behind The Science of Getting Rich is a fantastic example - a clear vision, backed up by gratitude, with a way to clear out stuff that’s getting in your way. What else could a person need?
The only thing I’d add is that, for people who are resistant to the language Wattles’ uses in The Science of Getting Rich might be better served by another teacher who is using the same principles, but presenting them in a different way.
I think my own love of Abraham-Hicks is a good example. Some people simply won’t listen to them or read their books because of the channeling thing (I used to be one of them), but if the same information was presented by Anthony Robbins it might take hold (and much of it *is* the same.)
The principles for personal development and success haven’t changed since time began. It’s just the packaging that’s different. And like you said, they must be “diligently practiced” in order to achieve anything.
Thanks, Mike. I really appreciate your thoughts.
Excellent, excellent advice. The best thing to do when you have multiple things to accomplish (no matter what they may be, whether it’s completing a personal development program or cleaning your house), is to stick with one thing until is it finished, before moving on to anything else.
Actually, if you think of how it applies to other areas of life, you begin to realize how silly it is to try to do multiple things at the same time.
Like the example of cleaning your house. If you started mopping the kitchen floor, then halfway through decided to switch to cleaning the toilet, then before that was finished you switched to the dishes - not only would be that be pretty disgusting…but at the end of the day you probably wouldn’t have a single room in the house that was completely clean. It just wouldn’t be very effective.
Goal Setting Commandment #2 - Thou Shall Stay Focused!
Oh the brain lock…looks like the old school “blue screen of death.”
I completely hear every word of this post. And I am not sure if it is inadequacy so much as it is overdrive in a microwave society. “I am great but I want to be greater and I want that now!” type of thinking. For instance, I am content but not satisfied. I am very happy with my life yet still excited and wantful of the future.
My problem isn’t so much type of course as it is the delivery and time management. I will have one that is computer based, one audio, and one print…this allows for me to have something to give my attention to regardless of where I am…but, your “brain lock” point rings true…I really should decide how to make one viable in all three scenarios.
Has anyone used NLP’s Core Transformation? I’ve never done it formally, but the basic concept really resonated with me.
Another question, how many people here have done personal mission statements? Do you find them useful? I’m writing my next Cheerful Monk (weekly, every Monday) post on the subject and would love to have some idea of how many people in the self-development field use that approach. If you’ve written a post on the topic, I’d be happy to link to it.
Thanks for any feedback you can give me.
Jean Browman
Cheerful Monk
Transforming Stress Into Personal Power
Liz - what a great analogy! And hey… I’ve done that with housecleaning too!
April - using the various forms of media makes a lot of sense, and that’s a lot like what I do myself. One physical book, one audio book, and one computer based course would work great. My problem is that I keep adding physical books until I end up with 4 or 5 on my nightstand, or keep adding computer courses that will take “just 15 minutes a day”, until just doing each of them daily would add up to another full time job.
“Content but not satisfied.” That’s a great way to put it.
Jean - On a daily basis, I’m doing insight meditation and my Simpleology Daily Target Praxis to start my days off right, and EFT to keep clear during the day. I’d slipped away from the meditation for a bit, but my Mastermind group encouraged me to get back on track with it.
I’m currently reading The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Abraham-Hicks. It’s got some great explanations of how to turn our thoughts downstream when we are in situations that we aren’t, um, appreciating.
When it comes to courses, I’m working my way through Charles Haanel’s The Master Key System. I’m only on the fourth lesson, and so far the exercises gel very nicely with my insight meditation. And since the lessons come to me by email, one a week, I don’t have to worry about overwhelm with that.
It’s interesting that you mention NLP… just yesterday I listened to an interview with Richard Bandler, done by Michael Neill on Hay House Radio. There were some great ideas in that one, and of course, I’m thinking “I need to drop everything and learn NLP!” But I’m moving it into the future pile… I’m going to finish what I’ve started before I dive head first into that one.
And regarding personal mission statements, I’ve never written a post on one - for me, it’s tied into my daily Simpleology Praxis.
Thanks again for the great comments, Jean, and for inspiring some real thought.
Marvelous insight. I’ve always been a fan of the K.I.S.S. method, myself, so I hear you loud and clear. I always found that the goal dictates the program. And the simpler the program/system, the easier it is to concentrate on it.
Marti in Mexico
Marti - thanks for mentioning that we need to Keep It Simple. And like you said - “The goal dictates the program.” We aren’t doing any of this stuff just to do it, there is always a specific end in mind.
Great insights yourself!
Lyman,
I’ve done this myself recently, particularly after started The Science of Getting Rich course. However, being an extremely avid reader, this is a great reminder. I am now trying to read only one book of its kind. So now I’m reading Living The Science of Mind, which is my daily dose of LOA info, then a book on intuition and another on EFT. Because they’re not all on the same topic, it’s a lot easier not to get overwhelmed (which, funnily enough, I mentioned in a post this morning!).
Lyman,
Thanks for answering. “We aren’t doing any of this stuff just to do it, there is always a specific end in mind.” What is your goal? I like Mike’s idea that methods are like tools. You need only so many hammers. Has anyone ever categorized the various methods this way?
I’m like you, I tend to buy too many books. I eventually recycle them to the local Friends of the Library…they sell them and give the money to the library. That way I’m passing along great ideas.
I’ve finally learned that I don’t have to read every single word. If I feel overwhelmed I make sure I get one or two ideas out of each one before I pass them on.
Again, thanks for answering.
PS I’ve been trained in NLP. (I’m a Master Practitioner.) I took the training primarily for my own use, and one of the main things I use regularly is the brief summary:
(1) What do you want?
(2) Is what you’re doing getting you closer to what you want?
(3) If not, try something else.
Those three steps are simple…we don’t need a class to learn them. And they’re also incredibly powerful. That’s why I keep asking you what you want.
Thanks for the great conversation.
Wow - great conversations folks
Thanks again Lyman for stirring up a conversation. Thought I’d add some thoughts too. I have no problem reading a few books at a time because I am getting different things from each of them. For example I have Tom Ferris’ “4-hour Workweek”, the new Abraham book - “The Astonishing Power of Emotions” (like you), and Eldon Taylor’s “Choices and Illusions”. I take what I need from each one, keep some and pass others on.
I’ve also learned something else from my own journey. Books and courses offer tools and techniques I can use personally and with my clients. If I never took another course or class, bought another book and allowed my spirit to guide me, trusing myself as Source, I would be flowing downstream. It is the belief that I need something more that will keep more stuff in my life and on my bookshelf.
What I am practicing is really listening to my inner guidance before I jump into anything including taking courses or buying books so I’m not being influenced by other people’s enthusiasm. That’s my method of keeping things simple - tuning into whether it is right for me and mvoing me towards what I desire. Listening to my Spirit is my best compass.
I’m opting to awaken each day with the intention to be happy and continue to reach for thoughts that bring joy or relief. I’m shifting from action = results thinking to allowing + deliberate action = limitless possibilites.
Hey, don’t forget to write your post on What Gives You Courage!
Cheers,
Lorraine
That’s cool! Thanks for sharing!
It certainly help me to choose my next program carefully that will meet my objectives.
“My Brain’s Locking Up!”
Yep, I sure know that feeling!
Sep 23rd, 2007 at 11:52 pm
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