The Secret to Failure
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“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” — Wayne Gretzky
Most of my life, as far back as I can remember, I’ve had a real problem with success.
Some of my earliest memories of my own thoughts are those of needing to suffer… simply because others suffer. Of feeling guilty for having, when so many have not.
I don’t remember the exact quote, but Saint Paul talked about his willingness to go to hell if it would save one sinner. I always thought this was noble.
But I missed the point of it.
I can’t keep people out of hell by going there myself. If anything, the best way to save others is by saving myself, and showing others how I did it.
Maybe my particular techniques won’t work for everyone… but by not sharing what I’ve learned, how I’ve lived, and what I’ve accomplished, I’m not helping anyone.
And if I don’t share the struggles I’ve had on my way there, then I’m presenting a false image of myself.
Over the past couple of weeks, many of those struggles (of not deserving, of inadequacy) have been nipping at my butt again.
But you know what?
I’m done tearing down all that I’ve built just because there’s some part of my brain that thinks I can’t handle success.
I’m done feeling guilty because I’ve tried something that I wanted to try and ended up not enjoying it or wanting to continue. My interests are wide, and as my mom has always told me - “There’s nothing wrong with having a wide variety of interests.” (Mothers can really be a great source of wisdom… it’s just too bad that we don’t recognize that earlier. 
)
I’m done feeling inadequate when it comes to the things that I want to accomplish. I’ll never know just how competent I can be if I quit.
Quitting
One of my favorite quotes is “90% of success is showing up.”
Do a little switcheroo on that, and you’ve got a great way to guarantee failure.
Stop showing up.
Stop showing up for work, and you’re out an income. Stop responding to phone calls and emails, and you’re out friends and contacts. Stop writing, or building your business, or whatever it is that is moving you in the direction of your dreams… and you are absolutely guaranteed not to get what you want.
Show up, and you’ve got a shot.
Show up, and work on what’s in front of you, and you’ve increased your chances a thousandfold.
Thank you to my friends at Personal Development Partners (especially Aaron and Patricia) who knocked on my virtual door and asked “Hey, you still in there?” (I’m still on the right side of the daisies, Aaron.)
Thank you to Rick, who reminded me of the sandbar beneath my feet.
Thank you to Vickie, who said she missed my wisdom.
Thank you to my wife, who daily convinces me to keep on going, and to not hit that “Delete Blog” button.
And thank you to you, dear reader. Without you, there really would be no reason to do this. I probably still would, though. 
Don’t forget to show up for your life today!
Thanks for showing up
The WWW wasn’t quite the same with the silence from your corner. Here’s a little something to think about. What ever you have been experiencing in your hiatus was just an indicator of how you have been focusing. The more you focus on the not so good, the more of the not so good you will find to look at. Remember, life is supposed to be fun 
and it really is all about the journey. In the not so good times, you put tons in your vibrational escrow of what it is you really DO want in life. Have faith in yourself. Know you will get to where ever you want to be once you stop giving a hoot what everyone else may be thinking. Put those oars down and see where the stream is dying to take you! 
Welcome back!
Thanks!
Mom
Vickie: You are so right… but I do love those oars. No, that’s not quite true - it’s not love… it’s habit. So it’s the easiest thing in the world to slip my hands around them. Thank you for your input.
Mom: No, thank you!
Hi Lyman,
I am very happy to see you back! I’ve been dabbling with the secret of failure a bit myself the last couple of weeks. Your post (along with some other things you’ve recommended before), have helped snap me back, too.
Thanks for everything, and keep up the wonderful work!
Mike
Thank you, Mike. It’s good to be back, and to see you here as well!
Yikes!!! Lyman not writing, oh no! Hey remember “One of the greats!” I think I can honestly speak for hundreds of people when I say many of us would really miss you if you hit that delete button. The blogosphere would not be the same without you.
I’m glad your back!!!
Lyman,
Wow, where do I even start?
Well, for one, blog posts like this are exactly the reason why you are such a valued member of the blogosphere, and why you are missed when you are gone.
For two, you’re the first blogger that I’ve ever seen whose heartfelt sentiments actually drew a comment from a parent. Big props to you, Lyman, and even bigger props to you, Betsy. You raised an awesome boy!
And for three, this quote needs to go immediately onto t-shirts all over the world:
“Don’t forget to show up for your life today!”
That’s some good, in your face advice that many people could benefit from a frequent reminder of!
Welcome back, Lyman!
Lyman,
I had noticed that you had been quiet for awhile.
I’ve gone through that thinking of hitting the “delete blog” button a few times myself.
But I try to remember the parts that I Love and diminish the parts I don’t love.
Glad you’re back! You have so many people out here who love you!!
One of the things is, if you do hit that delete button, in a day, a week, a month, the bug will bite you again. Then you’d look and say, all that work I threw away. Now I’m going to have to start over. Sheesh!
It’s true. You know it’s true. The thing is, be lazy enough to keep at it a little bit at a time instead of having to look at a big job at once.
I’m with Aaron on the t-shirts. That line would make a great one.
Thank you, Priscilla. It’s not getting hit… not by a long shot.
Ain’t that the best, Aaron!
I’m 37 years old, and my mom reads my blog! I guess I should be grateful that there weren’t blogs when I was 17… she probably would have had a heart attack by now!
Karen: thanks for that… remembering the parts that I love, and diminishing the rest. Wise words.
You’re so right, Rick. I know that in a week I’d be blogging again. There’s just no getting around it. I live for this stuff.
I mostly agree with everything said above, by you and commentors. However, I also think and feel that, if one day you wake up and find out that blogging is not fun anymore and you prefer to use your time and energy somewhere else, you’ll have to do it and enjoy it and feel at peace.
What you cannot do, under no reason, is to give up having fun, to give up enjoying life, to give up taking the most out of this experience on Earth. If you ever feel like that, you do write to me or phone me and I’ll give you a million reasons to smile, to thank, to get up. And I hope you know I really mean it.
Thanks, Patricia! I do know that you mean it.
Welcome back, Lyman. I have missed your writing. Peeking in at what others are writing about, I have been almost non existent with blogging since starting my new job and have pondered the delete button often. My negative self talk convinces me that I have nothing of value to share. I know that is not true!
I amazingly manifested a job which pays a 40 hr work week in two days. This opens 5 days a week for me to sit and write at the computer. Perhaps this is the beginning of being unstuck, where I recognize the self sabotaging behavior and let it go., and let it go…
Hey Lyman,
I echo the comments already written. I was wondering where you were as well.
I do think that sometimes we might need to step back and be quiet within ourselves. I do that from time to time and it seems to folks I am withdrawing - which I am.
It might seem like you’re disappearing when in actuality, you might need the space for introspection and clarity. The key is realizing what’s happening to you as being productive or possibly sabotaging you if you stay away too long. Those are times for me I need to remember to connect with the people who nurture and boost me up when I need to let go of being so strong all the time.
I just met you in the last few months and I’d miss you if you stopped showing up! I love your insights and heartfelt posts. So, keep on comin by!
Cheers,
Lorraine
Thank you, Deborah and Lorraine. I really appreciate the kind words.
Deborah - we haven’t talked in a while, so it’s good to know that the job is still going well! Good for you!
Lorraine - you are so right… rather than looking at the last couple of weeks as a waste, looking at it as a learning experience and as a little rest period is a much better frame.
Hey Lyman
There must be something in the stars as I 100% hear where you are coming from lately. Some great comments here, things I’m sure you already know but lately have fogotten to experience. As a fellow self-sabotager, I understand the urge to destroy all the good you have been doing.
However, be grateful that you are aware of this as in the past this would have been something you were unaware of. You have reduced it power by shinig a light on it. Get back to basics and take some time out.
Despite being “in the mess” a bit myself, some part of me tells me this is part of the process and all is as it should be.
Excellent post by the way, very honest and I suppose I’m hear to tell you that we all feel like that sometimes and I feel a bit of relief that it’s not just me, I’m in good company then :).
In love, light and abundance x x x
PS: I’ve scheduled a meme post for later this week which I have tagged you for, seems very appropriate so it’d be good to see your participation.
Lola - thanks for your comment… it is good to know that we aren’t alone with stuff like this. And it’s good to know that we don’t have to destroy anything. We just continue building, going in a new direction if we want to, but never denying what was.
Thanks!
It’s great to have you back, I was wondering what happened - it’s been so long since you’ve posted!
Thanks, Liz… and it’s been a while again!
I’m working on getting back on this horse again.
Great post, enjoy reading your article,
Thank You,
Tracy Ho
wisdomgettingloaded
Thanks, Tracy. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Great insights Lyman. Thanks.
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