-
Acceptance - The Answer to All of our Problems?
(9)
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes. — Alcoholics Anonymous; Fourth Edition; pg. 417
The above passage is one that is often brought up in AA meetings. While I think that it contains some real truth, I don’t agree that it’s the answer to all of our problems.
But it’s always where the answer begins.
According to Wikipedia:
A problem is an obstacle which makes it difficult to achieve a desired goal, objective or purpose. It refers to a situation, condition, or issue that is yet unresolved. In a broad sense, a problem exists when an individual becomes aware of a significant difference between what actually is and what is desired. [source]
“A problem exists when an individual becomes aware of a significant difference between what actually is and what is actually desired.”
Acceptance is the first step to solving our problems. Without acceptance, we have denial… and we never become aware of our problems, or fool ourselves into believing they don’t exist.
The first step in personal development is looking at your life. If you aren’t honest about what you see (if you don’t accept it as it is), you won’t be able to do anything about it.
For me, acceptance is the beginning of solving my problems, but not the final answer. There is much more to it than that.
I’d love it if you’d leave a comment, or join a discussion of this post at Personal Development Partners.Similar Posts:
- Thinking of Blue Elephants
- Watching My Thinking
- A Morning of Contrast
- How to Know If The Law of Attraction is Working
- Changed the Tagline
9 Responses to “Acceptance - The Answer to All of our Problems?”
-
Lyman,
glad to have you back! Great post that rings true for me today! -
I’m glad to see this post.
One of my favorite definitions is “Acceptance is the willingness to perceive reality.” One of the primary rules of behavior modification is you can’t change yourself until you accept yourself as you really are. To me that means stop the harsh criticism and fighting yourself. Instead work on understanding what you want and who you want to be. Then work on getting there.
The guidelines I’ve developed for myself are at http://stresstopower.com/blog/traits-of-stress-hardy-resilient-people/
-
Patricia November 8th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Maybe acceptance is not the answer to all one’s problems but denial is indeed the obstacle to getting to an answer.
We could either:
wipe out from our PD language words like: all, always, never, ever, forever, certainly
or
just accept that whenever we use them is to mark stress or to make a generalization which we know is exaggerated.
PD is first of all personal. Meaning individual, meaning different to each person.
Once we agree on that basis, we can freely use those words and understand what we are meaning.
-
Lyman,
Good points. I understand the dilemma you’ve presented. I have struggled with ‘acceptance being the answer to ALL my problems’ and with ‘Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake’.
I do believe acceptance starts with accepting reality as it is, not as I want it to be. Acceptance helps us to overcome delusion. Delusion is is an unshakable belief in something untrue (as opposed to denial, which is an unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings). Delusion precedes denial.
So, it follows that the answer to all my problems is in fact accepting reality as it is, not as I want it to be.
Additionally, regarding nothing happening in God’s world by mistake, I understand the premise of that statement, however I cannot agree to it literally. When someone murders another human being, for instance, I don’t believe the double negative that “it wasn’t a mistake.”
The way I look at it is as follows: Humans have created expectations, hierarchies, and reward and punishment systems, not God. I must do whatever is put in front of me, even if it looks “humanly” insignificant. There’s no such thing as a small task if it’s the task I’m supposed to do. There’s no such thing as an insignificant conversation if it’s the conversation I’m supposed to have. There’s no inconvenient time to do either if that’s the next right thing to do. Finally, I can’t ever wonder if I’ve missed my true “calling”. If I think I’ve missed my true destiny, it’s because I’m unhappy. Because nothing happens in God’s world by mistake, I can’t miss my calling no matter what I’m doing because it is serving my life in God’s world.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post.
David
-
Very short lived break
You are exactly where you need to be. Coming to know that is acceptance.Cheers,
Nneka -
Half agreed.
Acceptance for yourself both your weaknesses
and strengths is important for your personal
growth as an individual.Acceptance for your friends and family’s as who
they are is important for your relationshipt
growth.But acceptance for your mediocrity or for your
unfulfilled potential is bad to your development
either personally, spiritually or materially. -
I definitely agree. Acceptance is only the beginning. But it is sometimes a very long and challenging process that people mistake it for the final resolution. In my experience, acceptance only serves to open up a path for action. It is the turning point when we decide to do something with our situation.
-
Great comments, everyone - sorry it took me so long to respond! Guess I better accept it… but take some action on it as well ;).
Karen - thanks, it’s good to be back.
I’m glad that you enjoyed it!Jean - that’s a great definition. And you are so right about stopping the harsh criticism… all that tends to do is wear us out mentally, emotionally, and physically, and make us believe the lie that we can never do anything about improving ourselves.
Patricia - I love that you said “Personal Development is first of all personal.” No one else can live inside of our heads but us - so we are the ones who have to make the decisions about what this stuff means to us.
David - “Delusion precedes Denial” - great! So often we think about denial as someone lying to themselves, but I’m not so sure that we can say that someone is lying if they honestly believe they are telling the truth. A lie happens when a person knows the truth and yet chooses to say something or act contrary to that truth… delusion comes when we actually see something as different from the truth. Thanks for pointing that out.
Nneka - it sure was, wasn’t it!
And you are right… I am exactly where I need to be on my own journey. We all are.Hyena - I think it’s a lot like what Jean said… we do need to start from a place of acceptance of where we are right now - but you are right in that we have to continue to push ourselves to grow. If acceptance is just sitting around telling ourselves that we are mediocre or, worse, worthless, then I want no part in it. Been there, done that, done with it!
jen_chan - exactly! It’s where we need to start from, but when we just sit in it, we’re done. I love how you put it - it opens up a path for action.
Thanks again, everyone!
-
As you said, Lyman, acceptance is about acknowledging where you are right now in this moment in your life. It doesn’t mean you sit still and do nothing in a rut of comfortableness and familiarity. Until you do acceptance, you have little ability to change a circumstance or your opinion about something or someone. Acceptance enables you to take the next step of deciding if you want to change something or leave it alone. Acceptance means being aware of what is. We often resist what we are not aware of.
Recent Comments