Are you doing the best that you can do?
I can answer that for you.
Yes, you are.
Right now, in this moment, you are doing the best that you can do.
You may not be as good as you were yesterday.
But it’s not yesterday. It’s today.
You may not be as good as you were an hour ago.
But it’s not an hour ago. It’s now.
You may think that you could be doing better than you are.
But if you could be… why aren’t you?
Because you are already doing the best that you can right now.
What?
You just did a little better?
Cool.
Congratulations.
You did the best that you could right then.
What?
You just did something stupid?
I guess stupid was the best you could manage just then.
Drop the self-flagellation already! (That’s just a fancy way of saying “Stop kicking the shit out of yourself!”)
What?
You couldn’t drop it just because I told you to?
That’s OK. You’re still doing the best that you can.
Maybe you could start by not kicking the shit out of yourself for kicking the shit out of yourself?
Give it a try.
Just do the best you can with it.
You’re going to anyway.
—
Discuss this post at Personal Development Partners
This post has 30 comments
November 27th, 2007
Lyman,
I loved this! Keep up the great work.
Doing my best,
Mike
November 27th, 2007
Thanks, Mike!
I will.
November 27th, 2007
Great timing! I just wrote about this in my weekly post. I decided in my mid-twenties to stop being so hard on myself. I promised myself that no matter what happened I would be there to support myself and to try to bring out the best in myself. I still remember going into the bathroom at work, looking myself in the eye and making that promise. I’ve never gone back on it.
November 27th, 2007
PS I’ve just Stumbled this post. If only more people understood this idea…
November 27th, 2007
Lyman:
How interesting that the previous blog I had just seen a moment before was basically talking about the same thing – doing the best with what you’ve got. And now your article.
It’s like a sign from the universe reassuring me that I’m doing just fine, right now, at this very moment and not to worry about what I did or didn’t do before.
Wonderful post! I am also stumbling this post because more people should try and understand that it doesn’t pay to beat ourselves up when things aren’t going as well as we’d like them to be.
Nice job Lyman!
November 27th, 2007
When you do the best that you can all of the time, there are no regrets.
November 28th, 2007
Jean and Stephen – there must be something in the air about not being so hard on ourselves… after writing this, I ran across a few other articles posted at about the same time on the same theme. Thank you both for the Stumbles… they are always appreciated.
Patricia – amen to that! Doing things the best you can, when you can, is always preferable to regret.
November 28th, 2007
I love this post, Lyman. I think this is where a lot of people trip up. Self-criticism is just as harsh as criticizing others. Your post really drives home that where you are, right now, is ALWAYS the best place to be. No matter what.
ps I LOVE the look of your blog!
Belle
November 28th, 2007
Okay Lyman, it’s official, we’re sharing the same brain
I resurected a post today on self forgiveness.
November 28th, 2007
Excellent Lyman! You said it very well!
November 28th, 2007
Belle – thank you!
Your writing on what we do to ourselves re: our thoughts in your Timeline to Manifestation article really gelled with this one as well, I think.
When I was going through tough times in the past, people would tell me that I was “exactly where I’m supposed to be.” I hated hearing that. But they were right – because there was no where else I could be right then, except for where I was.
November 28th, 2007
November 28th, 2007
Thank you, Karen
.
November 28th, 2007
Lyman,
Thanks for the affirmation. My ongoing mission is to accomplish what you’ve suggested while being both satisfied. grateful and hungry/ willing to learn and grow at the same time.
November 29th, 2007
Satisfied and hungry at the same time… well said, David! Thanks for that!
November 29th, 2007
Hi Lyman,
I like your blog and this was an interesting post.
I however, disagree.
I think that just because it is the moment doesn’t mean you are being the best you can be in it.
For instance, I decide on how to spend my moments. Last night I was supposed to pay bills but blew it off to watch tv. Not good tv, mindless garbage.
Yes I enjoyed it but I wasn’t the best I could be in that moment.
Also, there are times when I lose my temper. That is certainly not the best I can be in that moment and I know that the best me is in control. I don’t allow that rationalization to cloud my high expectations for myself.
Just my opinion-
Joshua Stein Founder http://www.thepositivewebsite.com
November 29th, 2007
Thanks for that, Joshua. I appreciate your input.
Here’s my take:
With your first example of watching trash TV… it was the best you could do right then, in my opinion. If you wanted to do something else, but didn’t, you didn’t have access to whatever would have made it different.
And if you enjoyed it, isn’t that what life’s for?
With your second example of losing your temper, I’d say exactly the same thing. That’s where you were then, and what you had access to. Of course, when we lose our tempers there are sometimes consequences (actually, there are always consequences for all of our actions, but that’s another discussion), which is why when things like that happen it’s a good idea to explore it.
I think that when we look back at things and say “I could have been better” we are creating a false reality… it’s a way of massaging our egos so that we don’t have to look at the facts of what happened, fix what needs fixing, and move on.
High expectations are great when we are using them to grow, but I’ve found them to be useless in looking at the past. They are only useful right now.
The reason that I believe this is for the same reason that I adopt any belief nowadays… it works for me. When I get caught up in rehashing the past, I keep repeating it. When I start letting go of it, I start being free. And I can devote my energy to creation and growth, rather trying to change something that can’t be changed.
Thank you again for your thought provoking comment. I really do appreciate you taking the time to join in.
November 30th, 2007
I loved this post Lyman,
You are soo back. I have expressed the same thought so many times to folks and you really nailed it. The key is not to compare “bests” rather as you said, how ever you show up in any given moment you are the best you can be based on what you are thinking and feeling at that time.
I’m with you on that one, my friend!
Missed ya!
Lorraine
November 30th, 2007
Hi Lorraine!
I missed you too… thanks for the feedback.
November 30th, 2007
Joshua and Lyman,
I have trouble with the idea “be the best you can be”, so I agree with Lyman’s idea, we’re doing the best we can so let it go and get on with our lives. I like the way you put it, Lyman, saying we “should” have done better is “a way of massaging our egos so that we don’t have to look at the facts of what happened, fix what needs fixing, and move on.” If I watch junk TV or eat junk food I try to look at it as a symptom and see what’s going on. What would I rather be doing? Is there something that’s getting in my way? What small step can I take to get me moving in the direction I want? Worrying about what I didn’t do is focusing on what I don’t want, not on what I want. It’s a waste of time and energy.
November 30th, 2007
“You are where you are”
I think it all comes down to how you choose to react to where you are. You can beat yourself up over it, or you can realize that isn’t where you want to be and paddle yourself in a better feeling direction, realizing that it is all a journey and you can never fail because you always have the next second, and the next and the next, ad infinitum, to make it the way you want it to be.
Great post Lyman. It’s been said above, but I echo the sentiments of it’s great to have you back!
November 30th, 2007
There is a beautiful simplicity in this article Lyman. Thank you
November 30th, 2007
Jean – “What small step can I take to get me moving in the direction I want?”… that’s a *great* question to ask yourself, not only when you are doing things that aren’t very helpful, but anytime a person needs a little nudge in the right direction. It’s also important that, when the answer to the question comes… to do it!
Vickie – We all are, aren’t we?
That’s another one of those Abraham sayings that I love… like the story that they tell about the GPS system – it doesn’t matter if it was broken or not a mile back, as long as we get pointed in the right direction right now. Thanks!
November 30th, 2007
Thank you for the feedback, Peter! It’s great to see you here.
December 1st, 2007
I agree and disagree. Being in the moment should mean you are the best you can be, as in theory people are meant to learn from their mistakes and improve. However as we know this doesn’t always happen!
December 1st, 2007
You’re right, Free Self Improvement, that’s the theory… and it doesn’t always happen. There are plenty of times that I’ve done stupid things, said “Boy, I don’t want to do that again…”, and then proceeded to do it again!
Having the desire to do something doesn’t give us the ability to do it. It’s the starting point.
December 5th, 2007
That was pretty nice to read.
Good job.
December 6th, 2007
Thanks, Andrew… I’m glad you enjoyed it.
December 15th, 2007
great little gem of a post. Thanks!
December 16th, 2007
Thanks for the feedback, Tezza!
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