Powerlessness: Hacking the 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
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Many of you know that I used to attend meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous on a regular basis, but no longer do. After nearly 2 years of 3 times a week minimum, with some weeks hitting six or seven, it’s now been at least a year since I’ve been to one. I could probably fill a book with my reasons for no longer attending, and I’m the first to admit that some are legitimate, while some are not… but there is one that’s been on my mind lately.
Let me say up front that this is not an anti-AA post: some of the people that I met through the meetings I attended helped to literally save my life. Alcoholics Anonymous is a great organization, but like any other large organization it has issues that could use correction. I’ll let others point out it’s flaws - I’m only here to take what I learned from some wonderful people and hopefully pass on to others some tweaks that I’ve made that helped me when I couldn’t (or more accurately, wouldn’t) tow the fundamentalist recovery line.
One of the things that I heard around the meetings quite a bit was that “Alcohol is only mentioned in the first step.” This is because, as it says in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, “bottles are only symptoms.” The purpose of the steps is to produce what is called a “psychic change” that will remove the obsession to drink and make the sufferer “happily and usefully whole.” (See Appendix II - Spiritual Experience of the book Alcoholics Anonymous for more information on what is meant by this “psychic change.”)
Unfortunately, in the very first step of the Twelve Steps, there’s a dirty little word that many in the personal development community find distasteful:
Powerless
That one word stops many people dead in their tracks. They are either insulted and give the big “FU” to powerlessness, or they become stuck in it, and decide that “well, in that case, I’m just screwed.”
In my opinion, the first step (”We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.”) is useless without the second and the third steps.
Step two reads “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
Step three reads “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.”
Whenever a person looks at their life and decides to change something that isn’t as easy as flipping a switch, they go through these three steps.
They recognize that there is a problem that they haven’t been able to solve on their own.
They hope that there is a solution.
They decide that they will follow the directions of people who have already solved their problem.
People who are involved in personal development of any kind do exactly these things. When it first starts, they recognize that they are powerless over their limitations.
This does not mean that there is nothing that can be done about the thing that they want to change. It simply means that, as things stand right now, they don’t have the necessary knowledge or ability to make the change that they want to.
But there’s always hope.
Whatever limitation you are currently powerless over, it’s always possible to find the necessary power if you follow the directions of those that have done what you want to do.
If you were truly “powerless” you couldn’t “Ma[k]e a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” The powerless can’t can’t make decisions. You are quite right–the twelves stps all go together –like they say about love and marriage “you can’t have one without the other,” Great post! Mom
Lyman, great article. I recently started going to Al-Anon meetings after about 10 years of not going to meetings. Back in 1989, I discovered Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) and, a few months later, Al-Anon. Like you, I went to at least 3-5 meetings a week. I would have gone to 7 meetings a week if they had them. I was that desperate to not hurt any more. Even though I stopped going after 8 years, I still practiced what I had learned in my life and in all of my relationships. About 8 weeks ago, I started going to Al-Anon meetings with a friend who had never been before. She asked me to go with her. Just last week, I told the group that ACA saved my life and Al-Anon saved my marriage all those years ago. The biggest lesson that I learned in the beginning was that control—the idea that I was in control of anything or anyone besides myself—was an illusion that I had created to cover up my fears. The more in control I tried to be, the more out of control I really was. Because I choose to not drink, I am not considered an alcoholic. I have the addictive personality. They taught me in Al-Anon that I had a Higher Power. Through Al-Anon, I learned to trust myself and God again. They really are great programs. Like you, I had my own reasons for no longer attending after 8 years. I needed the space and time to explore other avenues of my spirituality. I am enjoying going to meetings again. It tells me how much I really have grown since those first years.
Patricia
Great article, Lyman! I am definitely one of those people who hates the idea of “powerlessness” - to me, we’re always the Creators of our experiences. But we absolutely have to recognize when what we are creating isn’t working for us. And we all have spiritual resources available to us that will guide us, serve us, and give us strength … but we have to ask.
Blessings,
Andrea
Phew………
Now this article absolutely touches my entire being! I walked into AA 24 years ago — I heard that word “powerless” and my attitude was “FU” — but….
I stayed - Why? I wanted a better life and I met people in there that showed me, through their example, that I could have a better life…..
I worked all of the 12 steps - “My Way” — yup me and Frank Sinatra
People said it can’t be done that way — well that was 24 years ago - So obviously it can be done that way - and today I believe it needs to be done that way - if someone is truly going to find their absolute POWER!
Here is what I decided, early on, about that word “powerless” - Obviously I was not powerless since I am the one that put the bottle down — but — I did realize that when I had picked the bottle up - it was indeed my choice, my power, that I gave away to that bottle and I let it lead me where ever we went….
Did I have an addictive personality? - absolutely I did…
Do I have that personality today? - NO — it is gone - I know the reasons why I drank - and today I no longer live like that.
I actually still go to a meeting here in town once or twice a month… It is a meeting that is mostly folks with about the same time as me - we are good friends today - and we don’t talk about drinking - we talk about all the fantastic things that go on in our lives today! And…. we always go out together for dinner… So it is a great time for all!
Thank You Lyman for talking about this — I have wanted to start a blog about all of this — you might have just pushed me over to do so…..
Big Hugs
Great post. When I quit drinking I went to maybe 4 or 5 meetings a week for two and a half years. I can relate to your issue with powerlessness; I stopped going to meetings for the same reasons. I just have to keep reminding myself that the word powerless refers to alcohol only. I did have the power to not pick up that first drink, but after that the power was no longer in my hands. All I have to do is remember how powerless I was over the booze and I just cringe.
Hey dude, forwarded to me from dave glad to see your doin good great post. I have added you to favs & will check in now & then. Say HI to trace, miss ya love ya.
Wow… excellent comments, everyone!
Mom, I love it how you said that we aren’t truly powerless if we can still make a decision. It really works into what Kevin said - “I just have to keep reminding myself that the word powerless refers to alcohol only.” The first drink is a choice, but once that door is open, the person making the choices is, as my wife puts is, “big stupid drunk guy”.
Patricia - that is awesome that you’ve come back to it and it’s working well for you. One of the things that it says in the Big Book is that that for alcoholics, “bottles are only a symptom.” How those symptoms come out is different for different people. Our preferred method of harming ourselves is just that - a preferred method. The internals seem to be the same.
Andrea - thanks for bringing up the fact that we have to recognize when things aren’t working. It’s unfortunate that some people take the truth that “What we focus on expands” and turn it into “I’ll just ignore the problems and not do anything about them.” I did that for a long time - I didn’t think about my issues because I didn’t want to focus on them - and so nothing was done about them.
Ellie - thank you so much for being another Sinatra, and for letting us know that the one size fits all approach doesn’t always have to fit all!
24 years… that’s awesome. One of the reasons that I loved my old home group back in Illinois so much was because it was one of the few that was truly focused on solutions and growth, and not the “war stories” that can begin to dominate many meetings.
Kevin - thanks for the input! Once again, I loved what you said - “I just have to keep reminding myself that the word powerless refers to alcohol only.” Sometimes I wanted to get up in meetings and scream when people would whine about how powerless they were about this thing or that thing. Yes, it is true that we may not have direct control over the electricity that powers the lights in our homes, but we do have the power to flip the switches.
Jim - what’s up, brother! It’s really awesome to hear from you. Thanks for stopping by, and now that I know that you and Dave are watching me on here, I guess I better behave!
Say hi to everyone out there for me, will ya?
I’ve been sober in (and out of, at times) AA for 16 years. The people who don’t want to admit they’re powerless, who see “powerless” as a bad word, aren’t ready for AA yet. When I was able to admit the reality, the truth, of my powerlessness over alcohol, only then was I able to do what was necessary to get power over it.
The Twelve Steps are about getting power and maintaining power. Nobody who has the power needs the 12 Steps.
I’ve got problems with AA too. But going to AA meetings is a low risk activity, and not going could be high risk.
And I highly recommend not stopping altogether, even if you go only once a month. From what I’ve seen, less active AA members do better than people who just quit altogether.
Not trying to be harsh, but based on my experience–that I’ve basically had the same thoughts–I’d say your concern with the word “powerless” is a cop out, or you’re missing something. AA is clearly not about remaining powerless.
I love reading Abraham and listening to Abraham. But I also believe it’s very possible to go all the way with only the Big Book of AA, which I believe is as channelled as any Abraham.
Thanks for the excellent comment, CowDaddy. You make some great points.
You are absolutely right - AA isn’t about remaining powerless. The stated point of the Big Book is to show a person how find the necessary power to solve his problems.
Unfortunately, AA meetings can be quite a different thing. I suppose this happens when any organization gets as big as AA has - the message gets lost and muddied, even when directly contradicting material is being read from.
One thing that your comment does miss is the fact that there are places to learn and practice getting and staying sober other than AA, some of which require and some of which do not require meeting attendance - SMART Recovery and Rational Recovery each come to mind. There are also a huge number of more general purpose personal development resources (more are out there now than there have ever been) which have a striking similarity to Steps 4 through 11.
When it comes to going “all the way” with only the Big Book, it may be for some, but not for everyone. Just like I would never tell someone that they had to listen to Abraham, I don’t think that it does anyone any favors when an active alcoholic is told that he has to go to AA. Present it as an option? Absolutely. But to say it’s the one true way is just false.
Thanks again for your comment, and the food for thought. I will take your “one meeting a month” idea under consideration, though. I’d never really thought about that before.
Lyman, one of the reasons that I stopped going to Al-Anon after attending for 8 years was that I then needed more time out of meetings to put to use what I had learned in the meetings. Another reason was because I was tired of hearing the same old stories from the same people when I couldn’t see any changes that they were making in themselves. Some people do get stuck in victim mode and never come out of it. If you don’t work the program, whether it is Al-Anon or AA or any other 12-Step program, it doesn’t do you any good. Admitting that I was powerless didn’t mean that I had no control over myself or the situation. For me, it meant that I could finally say, I need help because what I have been doing isn’t working. I had to learn to Let Go and Let God. Saying I was powerless wasn’t saying, I am a victim. Believe me when I say, I had already fought that battle and I wasn’t going back there. I wasn’t a victim when I did 12-Step meetings. It meant that I couldn’t control the things and people that I thought I could in order to feel safe. I was hurting myself and others.
Patricia
Regarding Rational Recovery and SMART–are they even still in existence? I think you’d be hard pressed to find a group. I know people who tried both and the people I knew–it didn’t work at all for them.
When we tell somebody they have to go to AA–that really shouldn’t be done. AA has a method of staying sober that people are welcome to try if they want to.
As far as the people in AA–a lot of them have been through treatment and through therapy and they think what they learned in treatment and in therapy is AA. And it’s really not. The program of AA is outlined in the Big Book.
And, yeah, I believe the Big Book of AA was channeled and that most anybody can go all the way with it–if they want to. I wouldn’t have thought that until about a year ago, and then I met some people who were really into it, and I got back into it, and I remembered how I did the first year I was sober with nothing except the Big Book.
I’m not at all pushing the idea of doing it all the way with the Big Book. I am really into Abraham these days.
And I went through years of going to AA much less often than I do today, sometimes not even once a month. I got back into it about 5 years ago. I didn’t plan on getting back in to it. I was just going to a meeting, dropping in, I thought. But for some reason I really liked it and decided to go back the next night. And then the next night and so on, and I’m back to 5 times a week or so.
Interesting conversation going on here….
I do believe “one size does NOT fit all” and so there are different paths to the same destinations. I think that is great as it just shows how diverse we as a people are!
I walked into the rooms over 24 years ago and while I wasn’t thrilled with some of the verbiage going on - I wanted my life to change and I was willing to try this.
I read the Big Book and have to tell you - it was not for me. It is not how I got sober… If any book was important to me early on - it was the Twelve & Twelve….
I have met many old-timers - I’m taking 40+ years who never read the Big Book nor the Twelve & Twelve and are still sober today!
As for Abraham - well I have had a couple of conversations with Abraham about alcoholism and AA. I just dug out my CD’s and the conversation we had on May 8,2004 CD B in Tarrytown is very interesting….
Abraham makes some points in which I was feeling — that the idea of telling someone how they have to always talk about how bad it was - well they felt that was not a very empowering thing to do… They say much, much more….
If you can get your hands on this CD - I highly recommend it! Also there is a CD (can’t remember the date) they did last year in where they did the next steps after the 12 steps - excellent info!
As Abraham said to me - AA was the path I allowed in - which was very helpful to me — today I have changed - the path that once was useful is not the path for me now. That does not diminish the older path - that path is no longer needed. I do not vibrationally match that path anymore - I am not the same person I was 24 years ago.
I do not find it useful to talk about what used to be - I do not find it useful to believe that if I drank today my life would fall apart. Or if I stopped going to meetings I would drink and then my life would fall apart.
For me, those are dis-empowering thoughts - they strip away my power.
And so… we are back to my original statement - “one size does NOT fit all” - There is not right or wrong way to live your life — there is only living your life!
My favorite saying “There are No Mistakes….. Only Discoveries!”
A little bit of A.A. history can go a long way in eliminating confusion that has arisen over words and meanings that were not a part of early A.A. If you read Bill’s story, you will see that he never talked about being “powerless.” He did make some important observations–alcohol had become his master, self-knowledge was not enough, willpower was not enough, fear was not enough; and finally no human aid was enough. And in the early days, Bill simply said “we were licked.” They also talked exclusively about God, Divine Aid, establishing a relationship with God, and then humbly turning to Him for healing. The “powerless” stuff is language picked up from Peabody and his no cure for alcoholism theories and some language of Sam Shoemaker about being “powerless” to bridge the gap between God and man without accepting Christ. However, you will see that Bill decided to pick up on some other Shoemaker language about a “Force” greater than ourselves, etc. Bill decided to write his own theory–something that didn’t come from Akron A.A., from the Bible, or from the Oxford Group; and I’ve not been able to find that Dr. Bob ever subscribed to the theory. Bill’s theory was based on Shoemaker’s idea that if one conducted the “experiment of faith” and obeyed God’s will, man would “find” God. Shoemaker cited John 7:17 many many times for this proposition. Bill asked Shoemaker to write the Twelve Steps, and Sam declined. So Bill proceeded to put two and two together in his own way and assume that they added up to a “spiritual experience.” One idea is that you lacked “power” on your own to overcome your problems. Anne Smith wrote that Paul believed he needed a “stronger power” than his own (that power being Christ), Bill reasoned that he could open A.A. up by proclaiming that “lack of power” was the problem. That to Bill meant, “powerless.” And the formula was to “find a power that would solve the problem.” Many forget that Bill wrote: And it means, of course, that we are going to talk about God; and on the next page he stated that the “power” was God. Dr. Bob, as always, had kept it simple: “Do you believe in God?” If you did, you were on your way. Then your job was to be converted to Christ, study the Bible, pray, ask God’s guidance, and help others. Therefore, 22 years later, I really would rather talk history than words. At the beginning I couldn’t understand “powerless.” Then people began saying n meeting that they were “powerless over people, places, and things.” In other words, they made up their own religion without knowledge of where our ideas came from, where Almighty God fit in the picture, and what this “power” was. They began defining it as a light bulb, a radiator, a tree, the Great Pumpkin, Ralph, the Big Dipper, and finally the “A.A. itself” as Bill inserted in the Twelve and Twelve. My own solution in working with others is to learn what the Big Book and Steps say, to learn our history, to avoid using confusing words like “powerless” and “power” and get back to the basic ideas that helped cure so many: (1) I’m licked. I can’t quit. I can’t stop when I start. I can’t do it alone. My life stinks. (2) I’ve found nobody else has been able, just by himself, to get me out of the mire–doctors, psychiatrists, ministers, hospitals, therapists - beyond human aid. (3)I will entrust my life to God’s care and direction, become one of His kids, obey His will, learn more, and help others. If you know your A.A. history, the report of Frank Amos, the early documented successes, and how they really got cured, you may want to use some “old school A.A.” to get over the confusion of endless, confused meeting chatter that doesn’t even find its counterpart in Bill’s own story, and certainly not in Dr. Bob’s. Two pages of the latest Big Book can enlighten as to what they originally believed, page 181 and page 191. God Bless, Dick B.
http://www.dickb.com/index.shtml; http://www.dickb-blog.com;
http://DrBob.info
Hi Lyman, I tried OA for about a year and had the same problem with powerless. I got the whole turning your will and your life over. Ironically, now I don’t have a problem saying that I’m powerless (not in OA anymore, haven’t been for over 6 years). One of the commenters that explained the history hit the nail on the head. The principles can be applied to life in general.
1. It’s out of control and heading in a significant downward spiral. Try as you might you cannot gain control.
2. You discover that there is a Power/Force greater than yourself (God/Consciousness/Spirit).
3. You turn you will and your life over to that Force.
Turns out that I’m more powerful than ever at this point. Not in the conceited-I’m-in-charge sort of way, but in an able way.
It’s an experience. You can probably relate:-)
In Spirit,
Nneka
Check out the 16 step approach - it’s much more sane: http://www.charlottekasl.com/
I believe in the concept of us having an on/off switch. We either flip on consciousness and take responsibility for our lives or we don’t. If we don’t, and we choose to be powerless and guided by our environment, than it’s true, we better pray for someone or something to lead us in the right direction.
The Unmanageable life:
Here’s a tidbit from our history. Oxford Group founder Dr. Frank Buchman often told his “Victor Story.” Buchman had the young lad get on his knees and surrender with this prayer: “O God, manage me because I cannot manage myself.” In Rev. Sam Shoemaker’s Calvary Episcopal Church in New York this was known as “Charlie’s Prayer.” It went: “O’God manage me ’cause I can’t manage myself.” Anne Smith (Dr. Bob’s wife)put an almost identical prayer in the journal she kept from 1933 to 1939 and frequently shared with AAs and their families during morning quiet time at the Smith home. Once again, “Lord, manage me because I can’t mange myself.”
Today, I call it the “manage me” prayer, and it seems rather clear that Bill Wilson–who credited Sam Shoemaker as a “cofounder” of A.A., and Anne Smith as the “Mother of A.A.”–was prompted to add to the First Step the idea that “our lives had become unmanageable.” I dig that: I was licked, and my life truly was unmanageable when I entered AA 22 years ago. God Bless, Dick B. And for more, see Twelve Steps for You and New Light on Alcoholism and Anne Smith’s Journal, 1933-1939
Powerless? Not on your life.
Some tidbits from our history
The original wording of Step Two was “came to believe that God could restore us to sanity.” The original language later said “God can and will.”
Dr. Bob made his belief in the power of God to heal a matter of great clarity. As recorded on page 144 of DR. BOB and the Good Oldtimers, he simply asked the newcomer “Do you believe in God?” There was only one acceptable answer: “I do.” Then on page 181 of the Big Book, Bob stated his conviction:”Your Heavenly Father will never let you down!”
Bill Wilson took a different course, seeming to have borrowed his approach from his mentor, Rev. Samuel M. Shoemaker, whom Bill called a “cofounder of A.A.” In his first book, Realizing Religion, Shoemaker had written: “You need to find God. You need a vital religious experience. You need Jesus Christ.” The how was by “conversion.” Shoemaker wrote the challenge: “God either is, or He isn’t.” And Bill Wilson wrote the same idea in the Big Book and picked up on Shoemaker’s idea “There is One with all power. That One is God. May you find Him now.” Wilson then set forth the suggested steps to establishing a relationship with God. He said later in the Big Book: “And it means, of course, we are going to talk about God.” On the next page he wrote that the “Power” was God.
In other words, the steps from lack of power to power and hence to overcoming the so-called “powerless” state were to admit you were licked and that your life had become unmanageable, believe in the power of the Creator, and make a decision to entrust your life to His care.
God Bless, Dick B.
For more, see Twelve Steps for You, By the Power of God, The Oxford Group and Alcoholics Anonymous, and The Good Book and The Big Book.
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