“1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.” – Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5, Page 59
“Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of the world if only he manages well?” – Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5, Page 61
After writing about powerlessness a couple of days ago, I thought I’d take a look at the second part of the first step, which mentions unmanageability.
GTD, the Four Quadrants, the ABC method, Simpleology – there are quite a few systems that people use to try to get some level of manageability into their lives today. Each of these methods has its strengths and weaknesses, and each is trying to do the same thing – to provide the user of the system with a method to “wrest satisfaction and happiness out of the world.”
But if we look at the second quote above, we see that Bill Wilson (the primary author of AA’s “Big Book”) is saying that it’s a delusion that managing well will bring us the satisfaction and happiness that we are looking for.
Step One is Step One. This step is simply a recognition of the problem that we have, and after we’ve recognized the problem it’s time to start working on solutions.
But to say that making life more manageable will not bring you happiness on any level is, in my opinion and experience, a mistake. Managing well may not be the end all and be all of happiness, but to say that bringing our lives back into our own conscious control and direction will bring no satisfaction is simply not true.
Control and direction. There’s only one thing in life that we can exercise direct control over, and that’s own conscious thoughts.
Whether you believe that your thoughts directly create our world, or that they are the cause our feelings and behavior and therefore allow us to have an influence on what happens to us, one of the basic truths of life is that when our thinking changes, our lives change.
In chapter four of “The Science of Getting Rich”, Wallace Wattles states that “There is no labor from which most people shrink as they do from that of sustained and consecutive thought; it is the hardest work in the world.”
But it’s also the most rewarding.
The rest of the 12 steps are a method that a person can use to change their thinking – and therefore change their life. They aren’t the only way – but they are a way.
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- Two Steps to Changing Your Life
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- Joe Vitale on “The Big Idea”
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
24 years ago my life did not look “unmanageable” — I looked good, I smelt good, I had the job, the lover, I even had the house and fence — except the house was not mine we rented the basement apartment and got to use the yard!
I’m looking around my office as I write this – and I promise you my life looks much more “unmanageable” now!
But 24 years ago – the outsides of me looked good and the insides of me were a mess and “unmanageable”!
For me finding that “manageability” was not about using systems – it was about my thoughts – it was about making friends with myself.
It was about realizing that other people, places and things did not affect my life – unless I allowed that. It was about understanding that my own thoughts and beliefs created this life I was living.
As I found my own voice, not the one in my head – I found my power and I found my manageability….
Once again, thank you, Ellie. That’s the beautiful thing about this… it’s all about what’s going on inside, not on the outside. And you are right – no matter what “system” a person uses, it can’t help if our core is a mess.
And it’s great to know that manageability and organization aren’t always the same thing!
Hi Lyman, it might just be a matter of syntax. I believe it’s true that we cannot “wrest satisfaction and happiness out of the world if only he manages well” (meaning organize). In fact, this manageability/organization only led me to be more exacting and perfect reaching. The more I tried, and my life appeared as though I was great at it, the harder it got and more unmanageable it was internally.
This is an excellent discussion of the 12 Steps that you have going.
I needed to surrender. On paper and in pixels, the word looks like I’m giving up, but that was not it at all. In surrendering/letting go/allowing, I am able to do what is mine to do and step out of God’s way.
In Spirit,
Nneka
I believe that the unmanageability Bill W refers to in the first step of AA comes from the prayer which was popular at the time of writing ….’Lord manage my life because i cant manage mine’.Shoemaker, the Reverend ,refers to this too .If it wasnt for this connection one would be forgiven for thinking “manageing well wasnt a worthwhile goal ,according to the quote ,but letting God do the manageing ,as in His will not mine ,surely connects us with the right motives.The quote is more to do with selfish motives in getting ones own way all the time .I for one can connect the misery that ensued with a lifelong effort to manage /control my fellow man .
Lyman Reed misses the salient point of the profound quote he includes from the Big Book. All of the other responses give me tremendous hope and really prove that true recovery exists and can be transmitted. Picking apart the quote, the most important qualifier in the sentence is the word “only”. I thought that the ONLY way to feel that life was tolerable was by getting my way or by having a positive outcome in my endeavors. I mixed up “making a living” with actually living. Hell. Thank you guys for your discerning comments.
Excellent point, Joseph… “only” managing well, while it’s an important part of life, is just a part of it. Thanks for bringing that out.
Of course, I don’t think of “managing” as always getting my ego’s way in every situation – I’ve learned that I can be quite happy without that.
Thanks again for your comment.
Thanks for the quote, Frank – I seem to have missed your comment. And yes… there’s no quicker way to misery than in trying to control others.
The unmanageability in Step One refers to the ability to manage the decision to not take a drink. A alcoholic cannot manage this decision, and will eventually return to alcohol. The Baffleing feature, no matter how great the necessity or wish, cannot manage this decision (while sober) (bbpg34)… also pg 44, if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely (manage this decision..ie..pg 24), or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.
The UNMANAGEABILITY most people talk about is the unmanageability in the 3rd step. The original Beginners meetings used pg 47 as the real 2nd step… and afterwards, they start talking about the unmageability of the 3rd step, convincing you that your life living on self-will cannot be a success…. pg 51, leaving aside the drink question… pg 52.. the bedevilments… all the unmanageability of the HUMAN PROBLEMS which ties to step 3….
This is why in the 3rd Step in the 12 & 12, it points out that although we have stopped drinking, our lives are still unmanageable.
The real unmanagebility in Step one…. simple is asking can you manage the choice of whether you drink or not… a choice a non-alcoholic can manage with ease… pg 34 BB again… whether a person can quit on a non-spiritual basis, depends on the extent they have already lost the power of choice.. (which ties to 24 again..)…
I hope this challenges what you have been told, because it is how our AA literature lays it out.
Contempt prior to investigation means there might be something for me to look at in my personal beliefs…
With love and gratitude
Frank C.
Excuse my mis-spellings..