I heard Lee Ann Womack’s song, “I Hope You Dance” not long ago and started thinking about the things we don’t do because of fear. Personally, I don’t dance because of fear. I think I look foolish and clumsy when I dance. So, fearing ridicule and rejection I don’t dance – unless I do, which can happen whenever music moves me AND I’m alone or with my wife. I find it interesting that I feel great when I burst into spontaneous dance as a joyous celebration of life. But feeling safe is more important, or has been, so I avoid the risk of ridicule and rejection and I don’t often dance.
I’m missing some of the joy of life. What joys are you missing?
What do you avoid because of fear? Whom would you be if you weren’t afraid? Are life’s joys passing you by because of fear? Is the fear so great that you’re avoiding being whom you really wish to be, whom your soul cries out for you to be?
Whom would you be if you weren’t afraid?
Isn’t fear powerful? Look at the grip it has on us, controlling us, dominating us, quelling our dearest dreams. Perhaps we should be more afraid of ending this lifetime without realizing our soul’s desires, without experiencing the joys of being the person we really are as expressed by our highest selves.
Let’s examine fear a little closer. Fear is a result of thinking that an event which may happen will have consequences not to our liking. Many things we fear never even materialize, so the worry and anxiety, in many cases, is all for naught. As Mark Twain said, “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” Thinking about something is just like experiencing it, so the event which we fear we actually bring to ourselves, if not in reality, then in our mental experience.
How about some of the consequences which might result from actions we fear taking? For example, what if someone laughs when I dance? Well, how I respond to that depends entirely on me. I can choose to experience the laughter as an expression of joy at my joy, or as ridicule. I can experience ridicule as earned because of my foolish behavior or undeserved, and therefore discount it as a foolish reaction from others. I can show approval for ridicule by feeling ridiculed, or I can reject it and show my disapproval of insensitive behavior. Remember, feelings are internal—no one can make me feel a certain way. I choose my feelings, though this is generally a subconscious choice.
Isn’t it time we start doing what we feel is right for us, despite how we think others may react? Isn’t it time we establish higher standards for ourselves and model this behavior for others by being and doing what serves whom we are? Isn’t it time we enjoy what life has to offer? Now, I’m not talking about doing harm to others here. I’m talking about being true to our highest selves, without fear for the responses our choices may bring from others.
Jerry
Feeling overwhelmed and out of balance?Balanced Life In Ten WeeksJerry Lopper, Life Purpose CoachMember International Coach FederationMember International Positive Psychology Association
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a great article on fear. I learned in Al-Anon that the letters for fear stand for
False
Events
Appearing
Real
Like you and Mark Twain said, most of what we fear never happens so why worry about it. Worry just increases our stress which can cause health problems which can cause more fear. Fear really can cause our lives to be on a merry-go-round. I don’t know about you but I choose to get off.
Fear is a basic emotion that is a natural reaction to a stressor or a threat. The problem with fear is not the fear itself. It is how we handle ourselves when we face fear that is the weak link.
Sometimes imagining the worst possible outcome and deciding if that outcome you’ve created is logical helps me to accurately assess the validity of the fear.
The worst thing that could happen is what we’re actually afraid of right?
If I imagine both the worst possible outcome and the best possible outcome, I find that the true result is one that more closely resembles the best outcome not the worst.