[editor's note: This is an excerpt from the book "How to Be Rich and Happy" by Tim Brownson and John P. Strelecky. Feel free to read my review of the book at this link. Please note that I do have an affiliate relationship with Tim and John. Also note that, as explained in the book, stories in the first person can be either Tim or John.]
You are both the problem and the solution in bringing your Rich and Happy life into being. But who is you?
The fact that you are aware of the voice inside your head doing play by play commentary as your life evolves, means that you are something more than just your physical body. And that’s a huge Rich and Happy insight.
For most people, every perception they hold of themselves is an illusion. It started being created before they were even born and continues to be created each day that they let it.
Perhaps you were one of those children who people said was “forgetful”, or “shy”, or “not very coordinated,” or some other hand-me-down belief. Now that you are an adult, you may even find yourself telling others the same thing – “Oh, I can’t go speak to my new boss about my interest in that new position, I’m just too shy,” or “I’d like to go try that, but I’m just not that adventurous.”
Maybe your family’s financial situation, ancestry, where you were born, your hair color, and who knows what else, resulted in a bombardment of stereotype categorizations from not just the people around you, but also from movies, television, and advertisements.
The good news for you, is that your situation is not unique. Everyone has someone out there who at one time or another has told them who or what they are, or who or what they could become. Probably way more than one person.
There’s something important you need to know though.
Rich and Happy people realize that part of the Rich and Happy formula is choosing who you are going to be and how you are going to act.
That’s right, you get to choose. You can take a look at everything you are, all the ways you act in different situations, and then keep the ones you like, and replace the one’s you don’t.
Let me give you an example of this.
Chad grew up in a very non-traditional home. When he was young his parents got divorced, his mom then chose an alternative lifestyle and moved her kids around the country with little focus on security, including if they’d have food on the table each day. In his early teens, the sheriff showed up at the place they were staying and evicted them because of non-payment of rent. With no way to support them, his mom sent them to their dad who they hardly knew. That lasted for a few years until Chad left and went out on his own.
Hardly a nurturing and carefree environment to grow up in. And according to Chad, it showed in his approach to almost everything. Although he tried to mask it, his inner world was a perpetual state of fear and concern about what might happen next, or go wrong next. Some of the manifestations of this, were that decision making was very stressful for him, as were social situations. His fears about saying or doing something “wrong”, which would then lead to unknown trauma, were paralyzing him.
Finally one day, he had a personal epiphany. He decided that instead of accepting the emotional and then the corresponding physical state he always felt when he became stressed and fearful, he would choose a different one.
The next time he sensed his anxiety level start to go up, he asked himself a very simple question. A Rich and Happy question. “If I were James Bond, how would I feel, and what would I do right now?”
The answer that he instantly knew, was that if he were James Bond, he would proceed in a calm, cool, self-confident, fashion. So he pretended he was James Bond, and did those things. It proved to be a life-changing decision.
Chad chose to stop acting in alignment with the illusion that he had allowed others to convince him his life was, and instead, chose his own behaviors and actions.
Now James Bond may not be the right choice for you. Maybe it’s Laura Croft, Spiderman, a former teacher you had, some particular friend, relative, historical figure… The choices are endless.
They can be real people, someone from the past, a fictional character, whoever. It doesn’t matter who the person is. All you have to do is think of the attributes or personality traits they exhibit, that you want to have as well, and then act like they do.
What matters is that you realize you are the one in control of picking, and that the new way in which you act after you have chosen, is even more accurate than the ways you currently act, because the new ways reflect you making your own choices.
My own encounter with this piece of the Rich and Happy formula occurred shortly after I began my Rich and Happy quest.
I was traveling with a co-worker and we were discussing some of the other people we worked with. I mentioned that I really admired one particular person because they never seemed to let things get to them. They had the ability to maintain not only a state of calm, but a positive attitude at all times.
I looked at my co-worker and commented how I wished I was more like that. My co-worker turned to me and uttered words that changed my life. He smiled and said, “So be more like that.”
As strange as it may sound, that was the first time I realized that the choice was mine.
Do you remember the earlier material about beliefs? Well, in a given situation as you are choosing to be James Bond, Laura Croft, or some other person, keep in mind that we demonstrate the beliefs we hold not just by the characters we choose to be, but by the whole stories we choose to tell.
Whether you have thought about it before or not, the truth is, we all tell stories. It’s how we communicate. When somebody calls me to talk about coaching, I hear their story and I offer my story back. This may be something as banal as the person telling me they want to book an appointment to talk about stress and me replying I haven’t got anything available for two weeks because I’m fully booked. Or it can be something more complex like a client going into detail telling me they hate their job, their boss and their life.
Not only do you tell stories to other people, but you tell them to yourself too. Stories about being unlucky or unworthy, about not being lovable or not clever enough. Stories of failing with the opposite sex, or even the same sex, and stories about being a victim.
However, our stories are only true if we make them true by believing in and living them.
Imagine Steven Spielberg sat you down in front of a computer and told you he wanted to film the story of your life. Not as it has been, but as you would like it to be from now on, and this is your chance to write the script. What would you write?
Would you compose a rip snorting, page turning, blockbuster of a story that takes your breath away in which you live a Rich and Happy life? Or would you copy and paste the same old stuff over from yesterday because it’s easier?
The answer should depend on what you really want and not what you believe you deserve or are capable of.
There is a book called The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. In it Campbell describes the ‘Monomyth’ or as it is more frequently called now, ‘The Hero’s Journey’.
The Hero’s Journey is an adventure, a rites of passage, that has been used as a formula by many great writers stretching back hundreds of years. Hollywood turns to it on a regular basis and it has been the structure for dozens of blockbuster movies such as Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Magnificent Seven, The Matrix, Independence Day, Star Wars, Harry Potter and many of the Disney films.
What if you used this formula for your life?
What if you decided to sit down and plan your life with blank paper? What if you fully believed that what happened yesterday doesn’t necessarily effect what will happen tomorrow – unless you want it to?
Think of the endless possibilities.
The Hero’s Journey is broken into three stages; The Departure, The Initiation and The Return. Each stage is broken down still further so that you can have up to seventeen component parts depending on how exciting you want it to be.
The only rule being that you always write a happy ending, which in this case, is a Rich and Happy ending.
The Beginning: The journey starts with the hero being in a situation where they are not completely comfortable or happy with their life. Maybe they are on automatic pilot, always struggling for money or stuck in a dead-end job they hate?
Are you 100% satisfied with your life? Do you know deep down there are changes you could make that would improve it beyond measure. Do you yearn to be Rich and Happy?
The Call To Adventure: Then the hero gets a call to action. Something happens that makes them realize they have to act.
How many times have you heard that internal voice telling you that there is more to life than this? How many calls to action have you ignored in your life?
The Refusal of the Call: The hero refuses the call because of fear that they are not able to complete the task.
Until now you have refused the call to be Rich and Happy, that’s why you’re reading this book. Most likely it is self-doubt and/or fear that has held you back.
The Mentor: The hero is convinced by a wise mentor or teacher that they can indeed be a hero and complete the task. The mentor can be a real person, an apparition, a character in a book…
Of course you may not know all the details yet about your own Rich and Happy future, but the seeds of possibility have been planted. For your adventure, as long as you become convinced you can be the Rich and Happy person you want to be, it doesn’t matter who or what gets you to that stage?
Crossing The Threshold: The Hero is on his or her way now and advancing towards their destiny.
You’re reading this book, you’re doing the exercises and you’re starting to believe you can be Rich and Happy. Brilliant stuff because you’re over the threshold.
The Belly of the Whale: This is the stage that can in some cases be the lowest point. The hero is trying to make sense of their new world. Who are their allies, who are their foes?
This may be the confusing part for you as you try out new thoughts and ideas and shift your thinking. It’s also the stage where you decide who is with you and who is against you. Some friends and family will be scared by your Rich and Happy changes because it will remind them that they aren’t the person they want to be. Others will genuinely fear for you and advise you to retain the status quo and avoid future disappointment. A chosen few though will throw their support behind you and these will be your confidants as you move forward.
The Test: You know this scene in the movies. The one where the hero is tested in a fight scene. This can be anything from a shoot out at the OK Coral to fighting Aliens in outer space or dueling with dragons.
You will be tested as well. Don’t worry, you almost certainly won’t have to defeat fire-breathing dragons, and if you do, you can earn a fortune uploading the video to YouTube. You may have to deal with people trying to slow you progress though. Or maybe you will have to address your own personal fire-breathing dragon- giving a speech in front of an audience, approaching a complete stranger who you realize is an important Who, submitting your proposal for that book you’ve always wanted to write. Something will test your conviction and resolve, and YOU WILL TRIUMPH!
The Reward: This is usually where the hero gets the girl/boy, sack of cash, Holy Grail etc.
We’re fresh out of Grails, either holy or otherwise, so you’re going to have to make do with being Rich and Happy at this stage.
I have left out a couple of stages at the end where the Hero heads home and faces, then overcomes danger one more time. This may or may not be your path as well. If it is, just like before, you will triumph.
Changing your life now and deciding to become Rich and Happy is a hero’s journey that requires powerful beliefs. Beliefs that tell yourself you can be the person you want to be and live the life you want to live.
If the current story you are telling yourself and others doesn’t serve you, now is the time to change it.
You can follow the full outline of the Heroes Journey, right from the beginning, but why bother? We know you have passed through the early stages so let’s move on to the good stuff.
Start composing a great story that has a brilliant, stunning, fabulously gorgeous hero in it called you. A hero that lives the most amazing Rich and Happy life.
If you envision a piece of the story and it seems unrealistic, change that belief! Undermine it, ridicule it and give it a good thrashing because it’s an old belief that’s no longer relevant to you.
Now that you understand how much of your life is yours to write, your paradigm has shifted, and you are now realizing that you can have this thing called Rich and Happy.
If this all seems too good to be true, learn from the story of Hugh Hefner, a man who at a young age learned the power of writing his own story.
As a young boy, Hugh Hefner had an intensely creative mind. He would spend hours writing stories and creating comic strips that were incredibly detailed in their depth. By the time he was in his teens, he had started numerous small newspapers where he was the writer and editor, and he even wrote, directed and starred in a fifteen-minute horror film.
Although Hefner had a small group of close friends, by and large he was shy and more closed when he was around other people. The outgoing and adventurous Hugh Hefner was the character he created in his mind and in his stories, not who he was in everyday life. When he was about to become a junior in high school, Hefner had his heart broken when a female classmate of his who he was interested in, invited someone else to go with her to a social function.
Hefner was crushed, and so he decided to apply his creative skills and write a new story for who and what Hugh Hefner the actual person was. The new Hugh Hefner would go by the name of “Hef,” would be stylish, a good dancer, and be suave in his behavior. As Hefner described it, the new him would be “A lanky Sinatra-like guy…a very original fellow, he has his own style…”
Hefner not only wrote this new story of his life, he believed it, and started to live it, and the rest of the world adopted it as truth. Within months he became one of the most popular students at his high school, emerging as a leader within the school’s social circles, and was elected class president his senior year.
Hefner realized that his life was like a movie and he was the leading man. Just like with all the other stories and comics he wrote, as the lead writer and illustrator for his own life, he got to choose the type of person he was, the adventures he would get into, and the people he would associate with.
Interestingly, at a low point in Hefner’s adult life, when he was struggling once again to find his place in the world, it was a return to his old high school that re-invigorated him, and re-reminded him of the power he had to write his own life. That experience, nine years after he had graduated high school, was the catalyst that inspired him to start his own magazine, which became the Playboy empire he is most known for today.
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