Creating a Better Life

EFT, The Law of Attraction, and Alcoholics Anonymous

“This isn’t about denial. This is about choosing your focus.” - Your Vibration Always Comes First by Carol Look

I love it when various aspects of personal development that I’ve studied come together into a cohesive whole. Much like the little discussion that we had going on in the We Are All One Elephant article, various disciplines usually have more in common than it seems on the surface.

One of the reasons that it jazzes me so much when I see these connections is because I spent so long trying to figure out just who was “right”. When I considered myself a Christian, everything those Muslims said just had to be wrong. If I’m a member of A.A., then don’t even talk to me about SMART Recovery. If I’ve got on my atheist hat, don’t you DARE even try mentioning God to me. (If you care, I still consider myself a “Spiritual Atheist.”)

Living that way, while safe and comfortable in the little box that I’d made for myself, really did some damage to my own personal growth. It wasn’t necessarily that I thought I was right and everyone else was wrong - it was usually the result of my listening to some guru that I decided was smarter and more connected that I was.

I wasn’t following my own inner guidance.

One of the connections I’ve been making lately is just how many traditions and disciplines talk about the necessity of taking care of ourselves first.

I especially think of Alcoholics Anonymous when it comes to helping ourselves before we can help others.

The main theory behind the behavoir of an alcoholic that is proposed by the “Big Book” is that alcoholics are extremely selfish people. Not a stretch, I know…

“Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. …

“So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, pg. 62

Law of Attraction, anyone? It may not be Radical Responsibility, but it’s a strong statement of recognition that I am the #1 cause what happens in my life.

But how does that relate to taking care of ourselves first?

Let’s look at another book published by A.A.:

“But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride… We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.” — Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg. 47.

Our first need is to quiet the disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.

Not hide it, plastering a smile on our face and repeating affirmations that all is well.

Not act out on it, throwing temper tantrums and causing distress to those around us.

Quiet the disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.

That’s where EFT comes in. With it, we don’t deny the problem… we actually focus on it, with the intent to quiet the the disturbance within ourselves - we aren’t trying to change or control anyone else.

In the article that I quoted earlier, Carol Look uses the word “vibration” to describe our emotional state. That may be a little new-agey or woo-woo for some people. I’d encourage you to try it anyway, and call it whatever you want. The words do not matter - it’s the concepts behind them that hold all the weight.

EFT doesn’t ask that you believe anything. It just asks that you try it consistently, and judge the results for yourself.

Whether you “believe in” the Law of Attraction or not really doesn’t matter either. Believers say that you’re always experiencing it anyway. Non-believers will always find another reason, even if that reason is “stuff happens.” I happen to fall in with the believers camp - but I really don’t care if you do or not.

Just accept responsiblity for your own life, to whatever degree you feel you can. You don’t have to start with Radical Responsibility, but you can begin to watch your own thoughts and your own life, and see how the two are connected.

Because they are.

[This article contains affiliate links. Please see my Full Disclosure Statement for more information.]

Negative Emotions - How Would You Define Them?

After seeing the possibilities that EFT has to offer, I’ve really started to dive into it with a passion.

The EFT Discovery Statement is as follows:

“The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.”
[from The EFT Manual]

My question:

How would you define a negative emotion?

The easy answer, of course, is to list those emotions that are commonly labeled bad:

• Anger
• Depression
• Fear
• Anxiety
• Grief

But why are they bad? Anger could be bad if it’s used as a reason to harm someone, but could be a good thing if it lights our fire and pushes us to make changes in our lives.

Fear could be bad if you don’t want to ask for a raise that you think you deserve, but could be a good thing if you are standing in the middle of a street and a bus is headed for you.

Anxiety, depression, grief? In and of themselves, I don’t see any good in them, except as signals that there’s something in our lives that’s not working, which prompts us to change it.

I spent a long time trying to kill off my emotions - one of my childhood heroes was Mr. Spock (not the doctor, the Mister). Control and elimination of all emotions was the goal.

And then I wonder why I spent so many years being screwed up? Most of the 90’s (and some of the 00’s) were like a really long Pon Farr period (OK, I’m done with the geek references now).

My Own Answer

Today, my answer to the question would be that there is no such thing as a “negative” emotion.

It’s what we do with them that matters.

If it’s an emotion that is driving us to do something that we don’t want to do, like a phobia or an addiction, then it’s best to diffuse it (more on that later).

For now, what’s your take on negative emotions?

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[This article contains an affiliate link to emofree.com. Please see my Full Disclosure Statement for more information.]

Try It On Everything - A New EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Documentary

There’s a new documentary on EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) in the works, called Try It on Everything. More information about it, including a trailer and a free ebook with articles by many proponents of energy healing, including Carol Look, Joe Vitale, and Bob Doyle, can be found at http://www.tryitoneverything.com/

The title of the documentary comes from what has become the #1 suggestion for EFT practitioners. Since the techniques have shown such excellent results when used on a wide variety of issues (from pain management to depression to addictions to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to performance issues), people have begun tapping on everything to see what kind of results they get. And while EFT is not claimed to be a cure-all, the results so far are pretty amazing.

I was first introduced to EFT through Bob Doyle’s Wealth Beyond Reason program. In that particular program, EFT is used to clear vibrational resistance to wealth creation, and there are some good articles on the EFT website itself about clearing limiting beliefs around money (See Using EFT for Money, Abundance & Success by Carol Look.)

One of my favorite things about EFT is that you don’t have to “believe in it” for it to work. You just have to do it. There is no claim that any of the theories behind it need to be accepted, any more than you have to “believe” that an asprin will take away a headache for your headache to go away. Of course, the placebo effect will always be a factor, so a belief in the treatment’s effectiveness will usually assist in having a positive outcome.

If you don’t believe in it so much that you aren’t even willing to try it, then you’ll get exactly no results.

On a personal level, I’ve had the most success with EFT when it comes to motivation and procrastination. Whether it’s getting started on a project that I’ve been thinking about, doing my Daily Target Praxis in the mornings, or sitting at the computer staring at a blank screen with nothing to write about, EFT is amazing. One round of tapping and I’m usually ready to go. Two rounds and I’m always ready.

I’ve had the least success with my cigarette addiction. One thing that I’m seeing regarding that is just how psychologically reversed I am when it comes to smoking (that’s just a fancy way of saying “I want to quit, but I don’t want to quit.”) The EFT DVD’s devote an entire section to addictive cravings, and when I tap rather than smoke, the craving does go. But the issue is deciding to tap before smoking - and until I’ve worked through the ambivalence, sometimes I’ll choose to tap, and sometimes I’ll choose to smoke.

When it comes to simply raising my mood, the tapping always works, and for someone who has struggled with clinical depression his entire life, this has be a godsend. But once again, you’ve “gotta wanna”, and unfortunately, a person in the pit of depression usually doesn’t feel like they have the ability to do anything. But I do know now that, while there is never a point of no return, it’s easiest to catch a slip in my mood early, while I may be a bit off but not yet completely down.

I’m really excited about this new documentary. I went ahead and purchased the All Access Pass that is being offered, which is a pre-order of the DVD (there’s still six months to go before it’s released) along with tons of bonuses, including pre-release versions of the interviews in the film. And anyone who purchases an All Access Pass also has the opportunity to send a free copy of the film to the institution of their choice, which I think is a fantastic idea!

If you haven’t already, give the trailer a watch. If it peaks your interest, be sure to pick up the Free EFT Get Started Package from emofree.com

And have fun tapping!

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[This article contains affiliate links to Gary Craig's Emotional Freedom Techniques site, the Wealth Beyond Reason Program, and the Simpleology program, all of which I'm a happy customer of. Please see my Full Disclosure Statement for more information.]

A Morning of Contrast

I first learned Abraham-Hicks’ three step process from the original edition of the movie “The Secret”^aff.

It’s pretty simple:

1.) Ask (we do this - automatically)
2.) Answer (the universe does this - automatically)
3.) Receive (we do this - but it takes some work)

I’ve read that in the extended edition of the movie^aff, it was changed to “Ask, Believe, Receive.” I’ve never seen that version, so I can’t comment on it. I’m going to stick with the Abraham-Hicks version here.

One of the ways that Esther/Abraham begins her talks is by asking the audience if they are “appreciating the contrast of their experience.” By contrast, she’s talking about the difference between what is and what is wanted.

I’ve noticed that she doesn’t say accept it… she’s talking about “appreciating” it.

We appreciate it because it helps us to clarify what we want.

This morning was the first time that I was able to remember this idea the instant something happened that I didn’t want in my experience.

The laundry machines here at my apartment complex gave me clarity!

I don’t mind so much when they are out of order and I know this before I’ve put the detergent and money in… but when realize they are broken down afterwards… boy, that pisses me off!

So I know what I don’t want - I don’t want doing my laundry be a pain in the ass.

And what do I want? The opposite… I want an easy and effortless way of getting my laundry done.

It may seem like a simple example, but this could have been a real breakthrough for me. I actually allowed myself to admit - on the spot, immediately, and consciously - that I don’t want what I have.

I appreciated the contrast of my experience.

Steps 1 and 2 are done.

Now, it’s time to get focused on what I do want. It’s been asked and answered.

And by the simple practice of gratitude (appreciation), I’m moving myself into a place where I’m able to receive.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, whether it’s as “small” as your laundry or a “big” life changing event, just make sure that you are honest about your situation. Allow the feelings to be what they are, and use your thoughts to guide yourself to a better feeling place.

Don’t squelch those feelings in a form of fake gratitude - “Oh, it’s OK, there’s so much good in my life anyway, I can deal with it,” while the whole time you are stewing inside.

Allow those rockets of desire to fly! By resisting them, you’re only making yourself miserable… since they are going to go up anyway.

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[This article was included in Live The Power Unlimited, Volume 3]

Decisions in the Moment

As I was going through my review of Simpleology 101 - The Simple Science of Getting What You Want this morning, I once again came across Lesson 12 - The Two Most Important Decisions Of Your Life.

This lesson goes over the idea of strengthening and weakening decisions (which, by the way, aren’t the two most important decisions - just examples of them). Something jumped out at me that I’ve probably read 10 times before, but never really noticed:

“A weakening decision is one that in the moment will weaken any of your sources of power.”

Which caused the following train of thought:

1. A negative thought weakens my power.
2. Dwelling on a thought is a decision.
3. Therefore, the decision to dwell on a negative thought is a weakening decision. It takes away my power.

I don’t believe that I can (yet) choose every thought that pops into my head. I can, though, choose what to do with the thoughts that come, and create a second thought that is somehow related to the first.

Outright rejection (”don’t think about that!”) usually doesn’t work. It’s usually better (and easier!) to either accept the thought and dwell on it (if it’s positive), or take the thought and ask myself “How does this serve me?” if it’s negative.

I’ve always looked at the idea of strengthening and weakening decisions as outer actions. Many of them are: to smoke or not to smoke, to walk or drive, to eat McDonald’s or the bologna sandwich I’ve brought to work.

But I’ve never thought of them from the perspective that I’ve learned is where all of the outer actions come from… inside of myself.

What thought produces what feeling which drives me to take the action that will increase or decrease my own power?

Because if we can change what’s going on inside, what’s going on outside will follow.

Sometimes, the best way to change what’s going on inside is to change what I’m doing outside: to take the action first, do the “fake it till you make it” thing.

But even when I do it that way, the taking of the action is creating new neural pathways, and showing my brain that there’s another way to go, a new way to think, if I choose to.

It’s a dance between our actions and our thoughts, each both producing and reacting to our feelings.

And we get to choose what kind of dance it is, every moment of every day.