Creating a Better Life

How Do You Read Me?

To start this week off, I’d like to ask my readers a question. The idea was passed along to me by Steve Olson, who got it from from Chris Garrett (yes, we are talking about another meme here.)

What do you think this blog is about?

First - What do you think this blog is about? Please leave your answer in the comments section or in a blog post of your own.

Second - Ask your audience what they think your blog is about.

To continue the spirit of appreciation, I’m going to tag my most current top commentators who have blogs:

Aldian Prakoso from The Secret of Law of Attraction Accelerator

Mike DeWitt of Spooky Action

Lorraine Cohen of Powerfull Living

Vickie of Contemplate This

Mark McManus of Build Your Life To Order

Deborah Tracy of journey to raw health

Karen Lynch of Live the Power

Aaron Potts of Today is that Day

If your posting schedule permits, I’d love to see you all play along!

And even if you weren’t tagged - feel free to jump in! That’s what Steve did, so you wouldn’t be reading this now if he hadn’t.

I look forward to your comments.

How To Quit Quitting

If there’s anyone who knows how to quit, it’s me.

I quit when I was afraid that my musical ability wasn’t good enough, and decided to drop it and go to work full time for a large pizza delivery chain instead.

I quit when I was promoted to a store manager for that delivery chain, and opted to step down and be a driver again.

I quit when, after joining the Navy, I got myself kicked out by developing a drinking problem.

I quit quitting drinking within my first 30 days of trying.

I quit every job I had in the 90’s (and most of the beginning of the 00’s), using the alcoholism and depression as my reasons.

I started blogging in early 2000 (I think), and quit on every blog I ever started (except for recently).

I think I’ve got the quitting thing down!

Since then, I’ve learned how to keep going despite mistakes.

We Don’t Have To Be Perfect

Each of the quits I mentioned above were because of one single thing.

I couldn’t do any of them “perfectly.”

• I wasn’t the perfect musician, so I just stopped playing.
• I wasn’t the perfect manager, so I decided to be a delivery person instead.
• I wasn’t the perfect sailor, so I got myself out of that one.
• I was never perfect at any of my jobs, so I just stopped showing up for them.

What About Now?

The majority of my income comes from my work as a flooring salesman for one of the big national home improvement chains.

Most days, I make mistakes on my job.

Some days, I make HUGE mistakes.

I’ve been with them for nearly two years now… and I haven’t quit yet.

My real love is writing and blogging, especially about personal development. I’m even starting to earn a small income from it.

Every day, I make mistakes on this (and other) blogs.

Some days, I make HUGE mistakes.

But I’m still working on it after about a year and a half.

Why?

Because I’ve realized that I don’t, and my work doesn’t, have to be perfect.

Other’s Ideas of Perfection

When I use the word “perfect”, I’m using it in the sense of other people’s opinions of things.

Many of us get so caught up another’s idea of perfection that we paralyze ourselves and will stop doing those things that we love to do, or stop reaching for those goals that we want to achieve, simply because of what other people think.

Of course, there are people whose opinions we value. If you’re an employee, and you honestly don’t care what your boss thinks of your performance, you may have a little problem when review time comes around. If you’re a married male, and you honestly don’t care what your wife thinks of you, why not go ahead and tell her every time you think another woman is hot?

There are exceptions, but for most of us, we do have people in our lives whose opinion we value.

The problem lies in valuing their judgment of us more than our own.

Imaginary Judgement

Here’s another example from my own life:

Whenever I got a new job during what I like to call my “crazy years” (the 90’s and the first half of 00’s), I would get so torn up about what my new employers thought of me and my performance that I’d simply stop showing up. Whether it was a job as a network administrator or as a bra and pantie packager (yup, I did that), the slightest mistake, the smallest bad evaluation would send me into a tailspin.

Even worse was when I was told that I was doing a good job, because then I thought I was a fraud.

I’d read and pray and meditate and affirm my goodness, but none of that mattered.

Most of it was only in my head, but I was allowing what was in my head to destroy me. I realize that I’m an extreme example here, but I know of others who have gone through the same thing, and also know that most people experience these kind of feelings to a lesser degree.

So what can we do about it?

My Solution

While I couldn’t let go of the idea that other people’s opinions of me did matter to a degree, I had to pull it back to the point of realizing these things:

• If they don’t say anything to me directly, it can’t matter all that much. Unless they flat out come out and tell me “You Suck!”, I’m not going to assume that I suck anymore.
• If they do come out and say “You Suck”, then that’s more about them than it is about me. It’s about their own evaluation in the moment it’s made. If it’s not someone whose opinion I value, Oh Well! Thanks for sharing! If it is, then I’d like to dig a little further.
• I’d like to get to the bottom of why they think I suck. If I truly value their opinion, I’ll get into a dialog with them: How important is it that I change? Just what is it that I should change? What are the benefits to changing?
• After discussing, evaluate for yourself. With the boss, is this a deal-breaker when it comes to the job? If so, weigh not having that particular job against doing what she or he wants. With the wife, is the marriage in trouble? Evaluate that honestly.
• Then make the change or don’t make the change. Bottom line, it’s up to you. But be prepared to live with the consequences.

It Aint’ Easy

This has all taken practice, and I keep having to practice it each day (especially the boss one). But it is getting better, and I’m realizing that a lot of the time, no matter what others say or do, I can remain happy and focused, and continue to move in the direction of my goals.

When I do quit something, it’s almost never because of fear (I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to never). Now it’s because I’ve done a real evaluation of it, and decided that it’s just not a valuable part of me creating a better life.

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[This post was included in the Blog Community Bloggers Carnival on Thoughts and Philosophies.]

Seven Things I Learned from Jack Canfield

Quite a while back, I listened in on a conference call with Jack Canfield (best known as the co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series and one of the teachers featured in the movie The Secret) that was sponsored by Feed333. The notes I took on the call have been sitting on my hard drive, and I decided to review them and share the points that stuck with me the most.

1.) Canfield was a student of W. Clement Stone, who believed that the world was “plotting to do him good.” I’m a big admirer of Stone, and am currently working my way through the 17 Success Principles he and Napoleon Hill outlined in Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude. My esteem for Canfield just about doubled when he talked about this.

2.) He explained that some people are what is called “Psychologically Reversed“. This means that, in those who suffer from this condition, their subconscious minds can assume that “good is bad” and “bad is good”, which leads to all sorts of self destructive behavior… and the more the behavior is pushed against, the worse it becomes. He never directly references EFT, but explains that tapping on what EFT refers to as the karate chop point can remove the reversal.

3.) Debt is not a terrible thing. It’s sometimes an investment in the future.

4.) When it comes to the Law of Attraction, it’s not the thought - it’s the feeling that is produced by the thought that does the vibrating. This seems to be a bit different from the Abraham-Hicks viewpoint, which says that the thought vibrates, and the feeling tells us if our current dominant thought will bring us closer to what we want. I personally don’t care what’s vibrating, as long as it’s vibrating where I want it to.

5.) You can begin affirmations with the following if it feels like you are lying to yourself: “I’m now in the process of attracting all that I need to x”.

6.) The Hawthorne Effect - that which you measure and report on will improve exponentially.

7.) Be open to feedback… you’re going to get it anyway!

So feel free to leave some feedback in the comments, or via my contact page.