Creating a Better Life

Eliminate Distractions (and Save Your Marriage) While Working from Home

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Working from home is sweet. Not that I”m doing it full time (yet), but I’ve started to have a little taste of not being so dependant on my J.O.B. (Just Over Broke) - and man it tastes good.

I’m also in a very good position to be doing this - no kids in the house, fairly quiet neighborhood, and my best friend and lover both live with me and support me in it.

Thank god my best friend and lover just happen to be the same person, because we live in a very small apartment - 4 rooms. Kitchen, Living Room, Bedroom, and Bathroom.

No place for an office (yet). My home office is in a corner of the living room, right next to the door to the kitchen.

So while there are no distractions from kids, my wife (who also spends much of her time here) and I can end up on top of each other quite frequently. While that can be fun ;), if I’m in the middle of a writing session, it’s just too easy for her to call out from the bedroom “Hey, did you hear about this on CNN?” or “Have you paid the gas bill?”.

And of course, there’s always the dreaded “Watcha doin’?” when she needs to get something from the kitchen.

Since we are in the middle of transitioning into this new lifestyle, old habits do die hard. When my writing and web work were strictly hobbies, these weren’t a problem. Now that they beginning to produce an income (I haven’t heard “Why Don’t You Think and Get a Job” in a while), we’ve had to come up with some guidlines.

Enter the Red Cup

We needed a signal - some way to tell her that “I’m working… please don’t bother me right now.” I couldn’t just tell her “Busy” without sounding short, and I couldn’t acknowledge her entrances or questions without completely losing my train of thought.

When I’m sitting on the floor in the Burmese position with my eyes closed, it’s a pretty good bet that I’m meditating and that I’d prefer that she didn’t disturb me. Sitting at the computer and typing could be anything - I could be working on the Great American Novel, or I could be dashing off an email to my mom.

It was in one of the David Allen podcasts that I first heard the idea of using a signal to show people that one is not to be disturbed. If memory serves, the example given was of an open office in Japan - since the floor plan in the office they were discussing was so wide open, there was no way to really say “Don’t Bother Me” by closing a door or putting up a sign. So they used a red sash - if the person had on the sash, you didn’t bother them.

My wife and I decided to use a red cup, set on top of the computer monitor. The color and height made it noticeable, and it’s easy enough to put up and take down when I’m starting or stopping work. Anything can be used - put on a baseball cap, put up a flag - it really doesn’t matter, as long as the people who live with you understand and respect that when the signal is up, you aren’t to be disturbed, unless someone’s going to die if you aren’t.

To eliminate audible distractions, a set of headphones with whatever music I’m currently in the mood for does the trick. I prefer instrumental stuff (either Baroque or Jazz) simply because that way lyrics that I’m not paying attention to aren’t being planted in my head.

So far it’s working well… I do take the cup down when I’m not working, and she has yet to say word one to me while it’s up.

Mutual respect is a beautiful thing!

If you have any other tips for work at home newbies in small environments, please feel free to leave them in the comments section.

Asked and Answered by the Universe

Here’s a little story that you might find interesting.

Yesterday morning, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I didn’t want to go to work, I didn’t want to take out the dog, I didn’t want to do… anything. I picked a fight with my wife about money and bills (it’s an easy subject when I’m itching for a confrontation), made her take the dog out, and got off to work about a half hour late.

I was definitely not going with the flow.

After being at work for a bit, I recognized that I didn’t want to fight with my wife. So I called her to apologize… and ended up picking a fight AGAIN… AGAIN about the money and the bills! Of course, it was all her fault (that’s sarcasm now, but how I felt yesterday).

After that one, I headed outdoors and sat down in the sun for a bit. I remembered how Abraham talks about what we are like when we are in Step One - we are banging around with negativity, and that is how we ask.

There are three steps to the Creative Process: Step One, you don’t have to worry about; contrast makes you take that step. Contrast causes you to desire or focus, or prefer. Step Two, not your work, anyway. Source and all of the resources of Source answer your request. That’s that vibrational alignment. That’s that one point of vibrational relativity that happens instantaneously.

So, your only work is Step Three. And Step Three is: Can I find a thought right now that feels a little better than the thought I’ve been thinking? That’s all Step Three is. Finding a thought that causes me to feel a vibration (or a feeling) of relief. So, there is allowing of what I want, or disallowing of what I want. There is allowing of what I want, or resisting what I want. You are either practicing the art of allowing, or the art of resisting. When you’re forking off toward things you want, you’re practicing the art of allowing. When you’re forking off to things you don’t want, you’re practicing the art of resistance. And every day, and every moment of your life experience is a perfect reflection of how you’ve been forking. (Good.)

Excerpted from Abraham-Hicks Workshop
G-7-30-05 — San Francisco, CA
retrieved from http://www.abraham-hicks.com/journal.php?eid=915

I recognized that I was in Step One. I asked myself just what it was that I was asking for.

1.) A harmonious, peaceful relationship with my wife.
2.) Enough money to pay the bills on time.

I worked with the affirmation I’ve been using, and added to it my desire for my relationship with my better half to be harmonious and peaceful.

I got myself centered.

When I walked back into the store, I heard a song start to play on the PA system…

I stopped dead in my tracks and listened… I couldn’t believe it…

It was Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield.

So?

That song has a special significance to me. While I’d heard it often, I never really listened to it until Vickie of Contemplate This used it as her pick for Hilda Carroll’s Songs That Make Your Heart Sing game. Vickie even made a mind movie using the song.

And I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard the song playing in our store.

It was like the Universe was telling me that I was back on track.

I called my wife again and really apologized for my behavior. I didn’t pick another fight.

The rest of the day was fantastic: peaceful and productive, just the way I like it!

Even if you discount the coincidence of that song coming on for the first time in the store right then, it’s still amazing how a couple of blog posts from a few months back could help me do such a complete about face when it comes to my attitude after such a rough morning.

It tells me that the best really is still unwritten.

I Love You, Tracy…

Six years ago today I got to marry my favorite person in the world.

There is no one on the planet that can compare to you. Your energy, your wisdom, your humor, your love… if there is anyone who can light up a room, it’s you.

We’ve been through quite a bit over the past couple of years… I’m so grateful that we made the decision to continue walking down this path together.

Thank you, Tracy, for being my partner, my lover, and my friend.

I’m honored to call myself your “busband”.