Creating a Better Life

Work Harder On Yourself Than You Do On Your Job

One of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn is:

Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job.

I’ve finally started getting over a few days of a nasty flu bug… the kind that takes you down and keeps you wanting to work on only one thing - getting better.

The positive side of times like these is that we really get to use the time for reflection.

One of the things that I’ve been reflecting on is…

Just what am I working on? Things that I want to work on? Or things that others want me to work on?

Just how much of what I do, or don’t do, is directly related to what others think I should, or shouldn’t, be doing?

Don’t get me wrong… in order to live with other people, their needs must be taken into account. Life in general isn’t all about me.

But my life specifically is.

For instance… because of the sickness, I haven’t been to my “day job” since Saturday. For the first couple of days, my monkey mind just kept on berating me about it - they depend on you, what’s wrong with you, come on - you can get there…

Thank god I now know better than to give in to that. Looking at the situation rationally, I knew it was best to take the time to get better.

And I have. Whatever it is that I allowed into my experience is still hanging on, but the rest that I allowed myself, along with the vitamins that I just started taking, seem to have gotten me over the hump and now I’m back on track.

So sometimes working on yourself just means identifying your own needs and taking care of them. For those of us who are used to living our lives for the needs of others (or at the very least, believing that we should be), this can be tough. But it’s something that we must learn to do if we want to create our better lives.

Another great quote from Jim Rohn:

The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.” Now I say, “I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me”.

Let’s take care of ourselves for each other.

The Worst Kept Secret of Success

One of worst kept secrets of success is the power of focus.

We live in a society that loves to distract us. You no longer have to wait for a commercial to find out what’s on next on the television - an announcement of the next big show will pop up on the bottom of the screen, complete with animation to be sure that you’ve noticed it. Where I live, it can sometimes be a struggle just to get into the grocery store without someone wanting to talk to you about impeaching one of our political leaders or lending a hand to people who are down and out. With cell phones, PDA’s, instant messaging, and all of the other tools of communication that we’ve come up with, people can interrupt you on a whim.

If you want to be successful, you’ll need to learn to stay focused. It isn’t really very difficult, but you may need to make some changes to your thinking and behavior in order to achieve it. Here are some suggestions:

Learn to Accept Distractions

Not accept as in allow them all in - accept as in “it is what it is.” People are going to distract you, and it just becomes even more of a distraction when it gets under your skin. When you allow your own emotions to become more of a distraction than the 30 second cell phone call, your productivity can take a real hit. When something does show up while you are focused on something else, make the decision immediately to defer it until later or to completely forget about it.

Turn Off Your Phone, Email, and Instant Messaging

Simply because someone wants to communicate with you, you are under no obligation to reciprocate. I’m not talking about complete isolation here, but when you are working on a project that demands your attention, the last thing you need are ringing phones and flashing windows on your computer distracting you. Voicemail works just fine for many communications, and your email isn’t going anywhere (no matter how much you want it to!). Just be sure that you take the time to stay on top of these things, or the tug of “What’s in there now?” can become a distraction in and of itself.

Stop Multitasking

If you consider the millions of pieces of information that are flowing into our minds every day, and the fact that our conscious minds are only able to focus on one thing at a time, it’s pretty amazing that we are able to focus on anything at all.

Our conscious minds can only focus on one thing at a time. It may seem like some people can do multiple tasks at once, but what they are really doing is one of two things - they are either “fast-switching” between tasks, which gives the appearance doing more than one thing at a time, or they are using the power of habit with one of the tasks, and therefore not consciously focusing on it at all.

If you think about a computer, it can sometimes seems like your PC can do multiple things at once (playing an MP3, displaying a Word document, receiving an email)… but unless it has more than one processing chip (the computer’s brain), it really isn’t - it’s just switching back and forth between doing one thing at a time rapidly.

It’s the same with us. Our conscious minds can only do one thing at a time, and every time you try to focus on more than that one thing, you lose a little bit of your power of focus. Decide what you want to be focused upon, and do only that.

Use Specific Times for Planning and Reflection

One of the things that has helped me immensely when my own brain gets “scattered and splattered” is pausing for a moment and saying to myself “Where am I Now? What am I working on Now?” Many times, my brain has veered off into the realm of the past (regret about what happened yesterday), or the future (worry about what might happen tomorrow.) Those two little bugaboos can kill your today. There’s productive reflection and goal setting, and then there’s regret and worry. Make your reflection and planning distinct activities, and you’ll know that when they pop up in the middle of preparing that report for work, you can remind yourself that now is not the time.

Live in Day Tight Compartments

This one comes from a couple of different sources, and is related to the previous suggestion. One of the first things people recovering from addictions are taught is the benefit of living “One Day At A Time.” The “Living in Day Tight Compartments” wording comes from “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie.

While the ideal is to live Right Now, as human beings the current Right Now is flowing into the next Right Now, and the next Right Now, and the next Right Now. The Now is not something you can hold on to. When you decide to live in day tight compartments, it goes a long way toward eliminating much of those distractions that can pop up in your own head that were mentioned earlier.

Keep a List

Do your best to always have an easy way of recording your thoughts as they pop into your head. When I’m working at the computer, my personal favorite is Google Desktop’s Scratch Pad Gadget, while away from it a small notebook and a pen and paper do a great job. While you are doing what you are doing Now, and things pop into your head, jot them down. This has the benefit of telling your brain “I’ve got it, you don’t have to worry about this right now.” Then, get back to what you are working on.

Practice Focusing

One of the biggest benefits I’ve experienced since I started meditating is an increased ability to focus. Fifteen minutes of meditation seems to add two hours to my day, which isn’t a bad return on investment. Those extra hours come from the increase in focus that meditation gives me. Learning to watch your own breath, and the practice of gently bringing your mind back to that breath when it wanders, does wonders for your ability to concentrate the rest of the day.

What do you do that helps you to focus? I’d love to hear your own suggestions. Be sure to leave them in the comments section so that all of us can benefit.

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EFT, The Law of Attraction, and Alcoholics Anonymous

“This isn’t about denial. This is about choosing your focus.” - Your Vibration Always Comes First by Carol Look

I love it when various aspects of personal development that I’ve studied come together into a cohesive whole. Much like the little discussion that we had going on in the We Are All One Elephant article, various disciplines usually have more in common than it seems on the surface.

One of the reasons that it jazzes me so much when I see these connections is because I spent so long trying to figure out just who was “right”. When I considered myself a Christian, everything those Muslims said just had to be wrong. If I’m a member of A.A., then don’t even talk to me about SMART Recovery. If I’ve got on my atheist hat, don’t you DARE even try mentioning God to me. (If you care, I still consider myself a “Spiritual Atheist.”)

Living that way, while safe and comfortable in the little box that I’d made for myself, really did some damage to my own personal growth. It wasn’t necessarily that I thought I was right and everyone else was wrong - it was usually the result of my listening to some guru that I decided was smarter and more connected that I was.

I wasn’t following my own inner guidance.

One of the connections I’ve been making lately is just how many traditions and disciplines talk about the necessity of taking care of ourselves first.

I especially think of Alcoholics Anonymous when it comes to helping ourselves before we can help others.

The main theory behind the behavoir of an alcoholic that is proposed by the “Big Book” is that alcoholics are extremely selfish people. Not a stretch, I know…

“Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. …

“So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, pg. 62

Law of Attraction, anyone? It may not be Radical Responsibility, but it’s a strong statement of recognition that I am the #1 cause what happens in my life.

But how does that relate to taking care of ourselves first?

Let’s look at another book published by A.A.:

“But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride… We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.” — Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg. 47.

Our first need is to quiet the disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.

Not hide it, plastering a smile on our face and repeating affirmations that all is well.

Not act out on it, throwing temper tantrums and causing distress to those around us.

Quiet the disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.

That’s where EFT comes in. With it, we don’t deny the problem… we actually focus on it, with the intent to quiet the the disturbance within ourselves - we aren’t trying to change or control anyone else.

In the article that I quoted earlier, Carol Look uses the word “vibration” to describe our emotional state. That may be a little new-agey or woo-woo for some people. I’d encourage you to try it anyway, and call it whatever you want. The words do not matter - it’s the concepts behind them that hold all the weight.

EFT doesn’t ask that you believe anything. It just asks that you try it consistently, and judge the results for yourself.

Whether you “believe in” the Law of Attraction or not really doesn’t matter either. Believers say that you’re always experiencing it anyway. Non-believers will always find another reason, even if that reason is “stuff happens.” I happen to fall in with the believers camp - but I really don’t care if you do or not.

Just accept responsiblity for your own life, to whatever degree you feel you can. You don’t have to start with Radical Responsibility, but you can begin to watch your own thoughts and your own life, and see how the two are connected.

Because they are.

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Personal Development Audio Added This Week

If you enjoy personal development related podcasts (and you probably do if you’re reading this), then Carlon Haas of Possess Less Exist Moreâ„¢ has a great new one going - the Possess Less Exist Moreâ„¢ Podcasts. I really enjoy Carlon’s take on selflessness and material possessions.

The Science of Getting Rich - Audio Version - Mike DeWitt of Spooky Action has put together a fantastic audio version of Wallace Wattle’s classic The Science of Getting Rich! I’m going to be updating my ebooks and audio pages, and instead of the multiple versions of SOGR I’ve got up there, this will be the only audio featured. If you’ve been looking for a high quality audio version of The Science of Getting Rich, this is it!

Expanding On “It’s OK To Want Stuff”

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post that mentioned the fact that “It’s OK To Want Stuff.”

I realized that this could be confusing to some people. Some might look at that statement and say “Well, Duh! Of course it is!”

But for those who are focused on a spiritual path, or who were brought up in a traditional Christian religious household, or both, it may not seem so cut and dried.

Slapped by Wattles

I’ll never forget the first time I read the following from “The Science of Getting Rich” by Wallace Wattles:

Whatever may be said in praise of poverty, the fact remains that it is not possible to live a really complete or successful life unless one is rich. No man can rise to his greatest possible height in talent or soul development unless he has plenty of money; for to unfold the soul and to develop talent he must have many things to use, and he cannot have these things unless he has money to buy them with.

That hit me hard; it actually offended me! Here I was, reading a book on getting rich, and I was insulted by the author’s statement that we had to get rich in order to live a full life.

Talk about being of two minds. While I had this natural desire for a better life, I’d been fed such a steady diet of “selflessness” and putting others first that I couldn’t comprehend the connection between my own acquisition of money and living a spiritual life.

Thank god I continued to read the book, and didn’t just toss it to the side.

Roots of Not Wanting

While it’s not my intention to attack any organized religion (they all have their place), if you take a look at the history of Christianity, a major part of it shows a pattern of acquisition on the part of those in power, while those who weren’t on the “inside” went without.

It seems like the Bible was used as a tool to control the masses and keep the wealth and power for themselves, rather than as a collection of spiritual writings aimed at empowering those who needed it most.

Combine this with translation problems, changes that were probably made to the original text, and taking passages out of context, and you end up with some quotes that can easily be used to encourage lack, such as:

“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” Matthew 20:16

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” 1 Timothy 6:10

“Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Matthew 19:24

Each of these quotes are part of a larger context, each of which points more to the problem of attachment and putting things before your own spiritual growth rather than a direct condemnation of money and riches.

Consider the following:

Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.” He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it.

“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial. You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me.”

John 12:1-8 (New International Version)

No matter what Judas’ motivations were, it seems to me that Jesus didn’t mind a little pampering now and then. A “year’s wages” for a bottle of perfume; that better be some sweet smelling stuff!

No More Guilt

Money isn’t the end all and be all of life. But it’s a useful tool, and the most flexible tool that modern society has at it’s disposal.

So stop feeling guilty for wanting stuff, even money. Don’t let the people in the media tell you that your desire for money boils down to greed while they run their billion dollar corporations. Don’t let the religions of the world tell you that you have to pay them a set amount of your income while you are struggling to pay your bills. Don’t let the Hollywood celebrities convince you that because you haven’t given X amount of your dollars to their pet cause that you are selfish and stupid.

Follow your own heart. Your desires are born of God, and are therefore good.

It’s what we do with those desires that make all of the difference.

[This article has been included in the premier edition of the Abundance Thinking Blog Carnival]